Sasuke's fantastic day
by wewacian
Summary: gone on very long, might end it on chapter 20 which is coming up soon. almost all Naruto characters in this. including Sasuke Ino Itachi Sakura Kakashi Zabuza Haku Orochimaru Kabuto Kiba and maybe a few hints at pairings, very random and funny OOC
1. Chapter 1

I dont own naruto, or anything else in here basically.

and im kind of new so shut up if it sucks

**Sasuke's Amazing Day**

-----------------------------------

This day started out normally, Sasuke woke up(alone) made/ate breakfest(alone)got dressed(yes he does the previous things naked). Then walks to the training area

(alone and unbothered). Until one day, whilst Kakashi,Iruka,Naruto,Shino,Kiba, and all other men in the village were out on a mission. Normally Sasuke would've gone but

Shikimaru's dad said "no EMO's aloud" and shoved him in a puddle. The others laughed at Sasuke and Garaa kicked a random patch of sand in Sasuke's face.

Sasuke would've normally destroyed them with a fire jutsu, but that word stuck in his head, in an echo. "emo,emo,emo,emo,emo,emo,emo,emo,emo,emo,emo,emo" and so

on. He had never been called that before except by...by...his eyes shrunk and whited out as he flashed back to that day when his family died and Itachi said "TO THE

FLOWER SHOP!" where he was called emo for buying a black rose, by his dad(hence the family killing). Sakura had found while he was mumbling things about the flower

shop. Which coincidentally Sakura's family owns so she thought he meant "sex me up at the flower shop" because she's a psycho stalker. Overjoyed at this she dragged him

to her room and got ready for the rape of Sasuke by showering and using a special shampoo. As she was showering Sasuke woke up and thought he was still in a flashback.

So walked into the bathroom where he walked in on Itachi putting on mascara, and instead of Itachi saw a naked sakura. His face reddened, Sakura's face reddened, Naruto

felt an uncontrollable amount of rage in the woods and destroyed half of the woods in a foamy mouthed fury, not knowing why. Sasuke stood there shocked, then felt a

sensation he had never felt before. He touched his nose and furiously wiped away the blood. Then saw Sakura naked again and jets of blood shot from his nose, sending him

thru the window and into Ino's room with a love note falling from his shirt pocket

Earlier

Sasuke: What are you doing baka?

Naruto: writing a love note to Sakura-chan

Sasuke: pfft, dobe

and sasuke stole the note and shoved it in his pocket.

Naruto cried like a sissy until sakura smacked him for no reason.

**back in the room**

Ino walked into her room with her mother and saw Sasuke with the note laying on top of him. She thought he fell asleep waiting for her and read the note without waking

him.

"Huh?" Ino said aloud

**one the note**

My love is like an ocean It goes down so deep My love is like a rose Whose beauty you want to keep. My love is like a river That will never end My love is like a dove With a beautiful message to send. My love is like a song That goes on and on forever My love is li

random scribbles were on the rest of the page because that was when Sasuke stole it.

in the room

"hmm...well atleast he tried to concentrate on the poem...Naruto probably messed it up, ill kill him when he gets back"

Sasuke woke up to Ino and her mother in bikini's(they were at the beach,then the pool, then the beach again)

and Sasuke nosebled away.

meanwhile

"..." said sakura, shocked at the amount of blood and that Sasuke flew away.

Just then her dad walked in "Oh, god! YOU'VE KILLED AGAIN!!!!!!!!"

--------DONE-------------

That's all for now, ill try to fill in the details next story, or whatever.


	2. Chapter 2

**Dont own Characters**

**Mr.Fluffers**

Sasuke ended up in the pet store where Orochimaru was buying all the puppies, and a snake. Sasuke was drained from the and bruised from the flying and nosebleeds, so

he just lay where he fell, in the cat glass box...thing(you know what i mean). Oro was about to leave when he noticed sasuke, looking like a black cat, mostly because a

kitten had climbed onto his head. Oro floated over to sasuke with anime heart background, which fell onto the store owner. So Oro just walked out with a knocked out Sasuke

kitten, and what had bought earlier. No one really noticed because Sakura was being hauled off to the looney bin(remember what her dad said last chapter?) She could be

heard screaming all the way to the lightning country where all the men in the village had gone to for...yuri, sure why not, yuri.

**Meanwhile, in the Lightning country**

Kakashi: You hear something?

Fourth Hokage: Shut up, lesbians

Everyone else: yeah, queer.

Kakashi: sigh...guess im going crazy

Kiba: no, its just your old age.

Kakashi: Im only in my 20s, dumbass.

Everyone but Kakashi: really?

Kakashi: God, you guys are retarded

**In Oro's cave of doom/house of pancakes**

I think I shall call you Mr.Fluffers, said Oro holding up Sasuke.

Bell: Ding

Oro: Oh, my first customer Mr.Fluffers

Some guy: yeah, I'd like some pancakes, extra crispy

Oro: of course, sir

While Orochimaru was making the pancakes Sasuke woke up, smelled pancakes and walked towards them.

Oro: wait a second...NO ONE LIKES EXTRA CRISPY PANCAKES!

and so the man was killed by oro's snake fingers.

Oro: I suppose ill just eat these myself.

so he set them on the table and went off to get some syrup.

Sasuke ate the panakes while orohimaru was gone.

Oro: What the hell happened to my pancakes!?

Sasuke stopped mid-chew, and slowly turned to face Orochimaru.

Oro: MR.FLUFFERS! GOD DAMN IT!

Sasuke: huh?

Kitten: Meow?

dead guy:

Bear: GRRAH!!

Sasuke kitten and Oro: grah? what kind of bear says grah?

Kimimaru: My kind of bear

Kimi and the bear skipped off together, into the sunset, where they burned to death.

Sasuke: That was...odd

Oro: Mr.Fluffers? you can talk? and exactly like my secret love? how wonderful!

Kitten: grah?

Sasuke: secret...love...

Oro: yes, Mr.Fluffers, secret love, sometimes i cant beleive how much like an ostrich you are.

Sasuke:...Did you roofie me?

Oro: why would I, THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OROCHIMARU!!!!,roofie a cat, when I could easily roofie the 4th

Hokage...or Sasuke...or Kiba...maybe Akamaru...damn that dog is sexy

Sasuke: right, I think ill just...kill you now...

Oro: pfft thatll be the day, when I, THE GREAT AND PEDOFILEY OROCHIMARU!!, will be beaten by a simple kitten.

Sasuke: IM NOT A KITTEN! said Sasuke tossing the kitten at Orochimaru's face.

Orochimaru: SUPERGASP!

Kimi and the bear: making out

Kitten: cling to face

Sasuke:...why am i always being mistaken for cats...

Naruto: cause you're so emo

Sasuke: IM NOT EMO, DOU(cencored)

Oro: Mr.Fluffers, how dare you mock the great pancake making Orochimaru by being Sasuke.

Kitten: puts on fight music

_Do your chain hang low, do it wobble to the floh?_

Sasuke sweepkicked Orochimaru off his feet

_Do it shine in the light, is it platinum is it gold?_

Then kicked him into the wall while he was still in the air, breaking the computer and inter-


	3. Chapter 3

The internet was soon fixed by fat hairy nerds, who were then almost hugged by a woman. Truly it was a good day for them.

**Dont own Characters**

**Elsewhere**

Gai: WHERE ARE YOU YOUTFUL APPRENTICE!?!? THIS IS NO TIME FOR SILLY HIDE AND SEEK GAMES! WE SHOULD BE DOING YOUTHFUL THINGS! LIKE HUGGING IN BROAD DAYLIGHT FOR ALL TO SEE!!! MAYBE NEAR THE BILLBOARD OF A SUNSET AND WAAAAAVVEEES!!

Lee: smoking a cigarette god..what does he think I am...some kind of crazy...clone or something...

Lee then took off his leotard and was about to get dressed when suddenly...

Gai: I FOUND YOU APPREN...

Gai stopped midjump and noticed that Lee was nude. Lee was shocked that Gai had found him so quickly...then noticed he had no bellybutton.

Gai:...Lee, why are you...OF COURSE! WHAT BETTER WAY TO SHOW OFF OUR YOUTHFUL PHYSICHE THEN RUNNING THRU KOHONA NAKED!!! 900 TIMES!! AND IF WE FAIL!!! I SHALL...fall asleep and give up...COME YOUTHFUL APPRENTICE!!!!!!! TO THE GAI-MOBILE!

Lee: Holy Hankerchiefs BatGai!

So Gai grabbed Lee and tossed him in a wagon tied to a bicycle, and sped off towards Kohona.

**Back in Orochimaru's cave**

Sasuke:kitten...what kind of fight music was that, fight music should go DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN, DODODODODODO FIGHT! and then repeat like that, not have your...crazy beats, and talk of chains.

Oro: You broke my spine! ow...and now, for some reason I...dont want to have sex with men anymore...or kids...suddenly Tsunade seems attractive...and I dont want to kill anymore! I feel FANTASTIC!!! I think ill go give the world my cure for can-

Just then all the men wandered in for pancakes, delicious, delicious, pancakes.

Kakashi: Im gunna get mine with blueberrys!

Kiba: Ohhhh, that sounds simply devine!

Shino: yep

Naruto: indeed

Shikimaru: quite

Akamaru: indoubitably

Iruka: Ohhhh emmm ephh geee!!! ITS OROCHIMARU! KICK HIS ASS!

And so they did, twas a merry old time for all...except Orochimaru, who didnt stand a chance. Shino was going to make the pancakes, but suddenly _Barbie Girl_ began to play and he ran outside and up a tree. Shino then pulled out a hot pink cell phone and answered it. A lttle girl walked up and said

Haku: escuse me Mr.Creepygaymanupinatree, but can you help me get my rabbit down?

Shino: Rabbit? in a tree!?

Haku: yeah, in the branch above you

Shino:...howd the rabbit get up there?

Haku: Zabby threw it up there

Shino:Zab?...wait, THREW a rabbit up a tree!?!

Haku: what's with the twenty questions, i could be asking you why you're up in a tree looking thru a window, but i'm not, just get my the rabbit.

Shino: window

Sure enough, there was a window on the side of the cave, and inside the window was Kimi and the bear...showering..Shino soon lost his vision, fell out of the tree, and was robbed by Haku.


	4. The one with the knitting

You know the drill, and review please

**Haku**

Haku: Do doodily doot dooty doo, HI ZABBY!

Zabuza: I thought i told you not to call me that in public

Haku: what publi we're in the woods

Zabuza: no...we're in apartment, how on Earth did you get woods?

Haku:that...tree in the corner

Zabuza: well...whatever, make me a sammich

Haku: scoff, thatll be the day

Zabuza: dont make me get out of my Lazy boy chair

Haku: You've let yourself go ever since You fell in that river, but then I saved you because I survived somehow.

Zabuza: I saved myself!

Haku: You and your pride...

Zabuza: I'm still waiting on my sammich

Haku: make your own damn sandwhich

Zabuza then rushed out of his chair grabbed his sword from out of the wall and held it up to Haku's neck

Haku: GASP! you got it outta the wall! you're the new king!

Zabuza: since when did you have a sense of humor?

Haku: since how long have you been overcompensating

He said, gesturing towards the sword.

Zabuza:...you didnt have to got that far...

Zabuza ran into the corner and cried, Haku made him a sandwhich, and he sliced Haku's leg off after getting his sandwhich

Zabuza: Fake emotions always get you.

**Later that Day**

Zabuza: Oh, yeah...and tomorrow we'll be having guests...

Haku: why?

Zabuza:...Knitter's anonymous

Haku:I DONT HAVE A PROBLEM!

Zabuza: no...it's for people who like to knit to assemble in a place free of judgement

Haku: oh..I'll make the sandwhiches

Zabuza: Oh, sure you'll make sandwhiches for random people off the street but not ME

Haku: this is different

Zabuza: how?

Haku: they didnt cut my leg off

Zabuza: oh, ONE time!

Haku: ITS A LIMB!

Zabuza: whatever...

**The next knit-tastic day in Kohona**

Kakashi:...I wonder why today feels so...Knit-tastic

Kakashi walked outside without getting dressed, like every day, and walked towards the strip club, like every day, where he spent two to three hours before he remembered that he has students to teach.

Kakashi: crap! better hurry!

And Kakashi did indeed hurry, but was distracted by the hundred of flyers attached to polls, windows, building and people, by kunais.

Kakashi:..Knitters anonymous?

Gai: SO YOU'RE GOING TO!?! GOOD FOR YOU! KNITTING IS INCREDIBLY YOUTHFUL!!!!!!!! THAT'S WHY IM DRAGGING MY STAR PUPIL ALONG!! BECAUSE I KNOW HE'LL LOVE IT!!!

Kakashi:...why would I go to this?and do you have to yell?

Gai: YELL?!

kakashi: yes, yell, you do it constantly

Gai: I HADN'T NOTICED

Kakashi: why are you going to this, you dont have a knitting problem, do you?

Gai: NEVER! BUT I LOVE A CHANCE TO COMPETE!

kakashi: it's not really a competi-

Gai:SILENCE YOURSELF GREAT RIVAL!!!! DO NOT ASK FOR WHOM THAT VICTORY BELL TOLLS!

kakashi: I dont hear..

Gai: IT TOLLS FOR ME!!! STAR PUPIL!!!!!!! GET YOUR KNITTING LEOTARD ON!!! ITS TIME TO SHOW THOSE ANONYMOUS PEOPLE WHO KICKS THE KNITTING WORLD'S ASS!

Kakashi: ok, well..Ive got students to get to...

Gai:WHATS? THAT YOU SAY!? OF COURSE YOU CAN COME WITH ME!

So Gai bound and gagged Kakashi and tossed him in the Gai mobile, then headed toward's Lee's house.

**meanwhile at Zabuza's house**

Zabuza: Got the sammiches?

Haku: yeah, quite obviously

Haku said walking out of the kitchen with a large tray of sandwhiches, and a bright yellow aprin with "Tip the chef" written on it and neon pink flowers.

Zabuza: nice...apron

Haku: why thank you

Just then there was some yelling, and a knock at the door. Zabuza got up and walked towards the door. Gai burst thru the door on his bike. Kakashi was flung ontop of Haku, Lee was flung out the window and guy skidded onto the floor and knocked the table with the sandwhiches on it into the pool.

Zabuza:...quite the entrance

Kakashi:

Gai: THANK YOU! WHEN DOES THE COMPETITION BEGIN!

Haku: competition?

Kakashi had meneuvered out of the ropes and gag, and was knitting something

Zabuza: well...im not much for knitting so ill just...make and oragami swan, i guess...

Haku: what do you mean? you knitted all my clothes, especially this apron.

Zabuza: SHUT UP, i just felt like oragami...

Haku: k...then ill make some more sandwhiches

Zabuza: k...

And so Zabuza began to fold paper. Gai had already begun knitting faster than Kakashi out of spite. There was a knock at the door. Haku answered it,Gai and Kakashi stopped the competetion that only existed in Gai's mind.

Haku: would you like a sandwhich?

**At the training grounds**

Sasuke: Kakashi has never been this late before

Naruto:...Where's Sakura

Sasuke:mental ward

Naruto: howd that happen?

Sasuke: She killed again

Naruto: oh...I miss Sai

Sasuke: as do I

Naruto: When's she getting back?

Sasuke: who cares?

Naruto: I do

Sasuke: she doesnt even like you

Naruto: yeah...I know...

Sasuke: So why do you still try? why no go with someone who already likes you

Naruto:...are you hitting on me?

Sasuke: no dumbass, i meant Hinata

Naruto:...Hinata likes me?

Sasuke: obviously

Ino: Hi Sasuke, whyd you leave so quickly yesterday?

Sasuke: What do you mean?

Ino: well, you were in my room with this...love poem...and...

Sasuke:...why would I be in your room? did you roofie me?

Naruto: Hi Ino, do you know where Hinata is?

Ino: Down by the waterfall

Naruto: great

And so Naruto ran off to find Hinata, Ino was mysteriously never found after that day, and that's all for now.

----------Done for now-----------

How'd you like it? please review

in the review tell me if you want me to do a christmas themed one, and what anime.


	5. The greatest story ever told

dont own, review, you know the drill

**The fight scene**

Everyone was preparing their signature moves, because the Akatsuki, aka Itachi and the gang, aka Black Sabbath, had walked thru the door and stated

Itachi: Am I late for the knitting contest?

Truly this was to be the greatest battle ever told, with tons of hidden techniques, and whatnot. So it began with a standoff, just facing each other, ready for the ultimate showdown, to show which side is greater, good, or evil...right after this random string of words

**PANCAKE**

**FALAFFEL**

**GINGERBREAD**

**MAGICIAN**

**TRIO**

**CEREAL**

**STEVE THE BEAR!**

**DOUBLE TRIO!**

**RACOON!**

**KITTEN!**

**MONKEY!**

**A BEE!**

**PANTS!**

**SYRUP**

**OROSASU**

**HENTAI **

**WHORES**

**PEDOFILES**

**FLYING **

**SNAKES**

**IS**

**TEH**

**AWESOMENESS**

**ZEBULON**

**THE KRACKEN!!!**

**BEER!**

**DIRTY WORDS!**

**SORES!**

**INTIMATE!**

**MORE CEREAL**

**PIE!**

**ICE!**

**GAY ESKIMO**

**JEWISH COWBOY**

**RUSSIAN STRIPPER!**

**FRENCH MAID!**

**L33T**

...and now back to the story, which had already started...and everyone was fighting. except one...Chuoji. Who was eating ramen, just...

lift the ramen

eat, no chewing, he just inhaled it, Then he moved over a seat to dodge Itachi's corpse.

lift it,

eat,

lift it,

eat

lift,

eat

lift

eat

lift

eat

get a new bowl

lift

eat

lift

eat

lift

eat

lift

eat

lift

eat

get a new bowl, dodge a powerful and awesome jutsu followed by a corpse

lift

eat, truly what was happening behind him was incredible, just the greatest battle ever to happen, incredible amount of clones and jutsu

lift

eat

KER-SPLOSION!!!! Orochimaru had sacrificed himself to help the good guys, in a fantastic hellfire which consumed all the summons and clones, eventually creating a

lift

eat

huge ass black hole that consumed the real Akatsuki, and their ultimate jutsu which was a mix of all their special jutsus.

lift

eat.

and it was over, because the black hole took the Ramen.

Kakashi: oh, god...if someone were to discribe that in a writing of some kind, it would be the most popular, ever! or even better as a frickin movie, god that was awesome.

Iruka: indeed, and who died was such a suprise.

Naruto: yep, never expected it at all, but damn what a way to go

Kakashi: you know it


	6. the tea partyof DEATH!

must I say it?

review, excuse oocness

After the fight ----------------

Kakashi: I didnt think we would survive that one, poor person who died whose name i-GAI WHAT THE HELL! WHY DID YOU HELP INSTEAD OF KNITTING!

Gai: KAKASHI IT SEEMS TO ME YOU YELL ALOT, YOU SHOULD REALLY WORK ON THAT!!!

Kakashi: Nice...green, leotard? why would you knit one of those when you have like a thousand already?

Gai: THIS ISNT FOR ME!! ITS FOR MY ADORABLE PUPIL!!

While they were argueing Zabuza couldnt seem to fold an orogami swan.

Zabuza: GOD DAMN IT!!

he said tossing his orogami monkey thru the window

Zabuza: HOW THE HELL DID THAT EVEN HAPPEN?!

He started a new one.

Kakashi: he doesnt need a new leotard, he has twice as many as you

Gai: HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?! HAVE YOU BEEN MAKING HIM YOUR PUPIL BEHIND MY BACK??!

Kakashi: why would I want that fre-

Haku: Who wants tea?

Kakashi: great...now im spending my afternoon knitting at a tea party...

Haku: Well, someone your age shouldnt be out of missions anyway

Kakashi:...im not old, why do people think that?

Haku: the hair and the fact that the only part of your body showing is your right, which is because of wrinkles, or atleast thats what everyone things.

Kakashi: well then, there is a very good reason why i wear this mask

Haku: what is it?

Kakashi: mumble mumble

Gai: WHAT?? SPEAK UP OH RIVAL OF MINE!!

Zabuza: GOD FUING DAMN IT!!!

he said with a fire in his eyes, and threw his paper airplane out the window. and started a new swan

Haku: not in front of the guests, dear

Zabuza:...shut up

Kakashi: lovers quarrel

Zabuza: DIE!!

Haku: dont kill the guests Zabby

Zabuza: -///- ---embarassed face

Haku: maybe some knitting would calm you down

and so Zabuza began to knit and left his orogami dog behind. Just then there was a knock on the door. and some sand bust the door down. and garaa walked in, followed by Orochimaru. no one said anything as he walked up to the table and began to knit a tea cozy for his gourd, and orochimaru sat across the table from him and began to knit something unidentifiable

Kakashi: so...howd you to meet

Orochimaru: we met in the woods, walking here

Gai started knitting a purple sweater with his face on it, for Lee. Just then Kisame burst thru the door and stopped short seeing Orochimaru.

Kisame: is this what the great orochimaru has been reduced to? knitting at a tea party

Oro:-///-

Kisame: gasp I HAVE TO TELL EVERYONE ELSE!

Orochimaru: NO!

In the lair of the Akatsuki ----------------------------

Kisame: You'll never guess who I say today

rest of Akatsuki: who? who? tell us!

Kisame: Orochimaru

rest of Akatsuki: no...way...

Kisame: and he was knitting XD

rest of Akatsuki: XD

Leader: He's really gone down hill since he left us

Kisame: yep, first pedofile and now this...

random Akatsuki member: hey, lets go attack his place leader: yeah

Back at the tea party...of death --------------------------------

Haku: so...what'd everyone make?

Gai held up his purple sweater with his face on it.

Kakashi held up a purple sweater with Gai's face on it ( hope you get that joke)

Zabuza hid his behind his back

Haku: show people what you made Zabuza

Zabuza help up some pants with a bunch of holes

Haku:...what is it?

Zabuza: ...spiderweb

Orochimaru held up a sasuke doll

Garaa held up an orogami swan

Kakashi: how the hell...

Zabuza: Wha?

and Haku held up an intricately knit kimono that was pink with lots of flowers and unicorns on it.

Zabuza:...looks kind of big for you

Haku: oh, its for you

Zabuza: o.o

Garaa: try it on

said Garaa with a sly smile

Haku: great idea, Garaa here have a teddy bear

Haku threw him a knit teddy bear

Zabuza: same time next week everyone ------------------------------------END---------------------

hope you all like it, and this may just be something that I will continue if, you want me to

sorry it took so long, but i had to decied what to keep and take away. 


	7. Merry Christmas Charlie BroNaruto

you know, whatever

Merry Christmas Charlie Br...Naruto ----------------------------------

It was a cold and harsh winter, then december came and it was normal again, and soon enough it was Christmas time. That's where this story takes place. So sit back and read

Sakura's house --------------

There was a knock at door, and Sakura rushed because she thought it was Sasuke or something. She flung open the door.

Sakura: Oh, Sasu-Naruto?

Naruto: I got you a gift, ho

Sakura: what is it?

Naruto: open it and find out, god you're retarded

Sakura: ok :D

She quickly ripped off the ramen wrapping and opened the Ramen box shaped box. 

Sakura: oh...I wonder what this could be...

She opened the box to find a litter of kittens

Naruto: Suprised?

Sakura: yeah...kinda...I expected Ramen.

Naruto: You jive ass sucka

Sakura: you sure are acting Strange today Naruto...

Naruto: Whatever

Sasuke: Hi Sakura, I got you a...Naruto what the hell are you wearing

He said, crushing his gift for Sakura in rage.

Naruto: whachu mean?

Naruto was wearing a dark purple hat with a yellow feather sticking out, and an all purple suit with a cane.

Sasuke:..exactly how long have you had those shoes?

Naruto: I got them from Iruka, earlier this morning

Sakura: oh, i thought you looked different.

Naruto: whatever, i gotta go collect from my bitches

Sakura: dont forget about the party im throwing at Sasuke's house

Naruto: whatever

Sasuke: what party? and why wasnt I invited?

Sakura: because Naruto is mysterious now that he doesnt want me and is with Hinata.

Sasuke: but...its at my house

Sakura: yeah, dont worry about that, you can use anyone else's house to sleep in that night...

Sasuke: anyone's? you mean im the only one not invited

Sakura: exactly

Kakashi's house ----------------

Kakashi slinked out of bed and answered the door

Kakashi: do you have ANY idea what ti- oh, hi naruto

Naruto: where's my money bitch!?

Kakashi: oh...here you are Naruto...

Kakashi handed him a wad of money

Naruto: this feels a little light, you holding out on me!?

Kakashi: nooooo

Naruto: empty your pockets...

Kakashi: but...but...

Naruto smacked him with his pimp cane.

Naruto: EMPTY YOUR POCKETS KAKASHI!

Kakashi: alright...

Kakashi took out his wallet and gave it to Naruto, with his hard earned money inside.

Naruto: You made the right choice, see you at the party.

On Mt. Hokage --------------

Sasuke had gotten onto the snow topped peaks of the mountain side with the Hokage's faces carved onto it.

Sasuke: throwing partys at a whim, he said looking down there with every her and him

said sasuke looking down at all of them

nobody knows what made Sasuke so mean, some has it was because his hair had no sheen, or the murder, only he had seen.

Sasuke: Im tired of them, with their bo banglers and shim shangers. Always playing with their toys, and they make such noise noise noise!!!

He had only one friend in the world of ice, Pakkun, the dog who couldnt help but be nice.

Sasuke: look at them pakky,he stated to his dog, how dare they mock me! with their gifts and joy,while i have recieved not one toy!

At the party -------------

Everyone was there, from the Akatsuki to Zabuza

Sakura: wow, look at the turn-out Naruto

Naruto: whatever...

He stated, holding onto Hinata who was blushing madly. and possibly passed out

Naruto: let's get the presents going, cmon ive got raves to get to.

Hinata: yeah, cmon

So everyone skurried and ripped open their presents...but found nothing inside

Everyone: what the hell?

Garaa:...stop looking at, me im not the grinch in this story.

Kakashi: then who...

Ino: yes, quite the conundrum if i may say so...now let us commence with the song of Antlered Quadruped Valentino Namesake with the Vermillion Probiscis.

Shino: I concur

Jesus: as do I...;

Atop the Mountain -----------------

Sasuke: now, i shall destroy christmas once and for all, but shoving this oversized bag over the cliff, and watching it fall.

He bagan to shove with all his might, when he noticed a girl atop the bag whose hair was dark as night.

Sasuke: Haku?

Haku: Im a man, narrater

Narrater: I know...stop hasseling me and screw the ryming

Sasuke: Finally, i was tired of that

Said Sasuke tipping forth his top hat

Sasuke: Hey, what did I just say? now stop that...im mean...shut up

Lazyness takes over -------------------

sauske realized his mistake and gave all the presents and some do say that his heart grew 3 times its normal size that day.

there's your holiday special, or whatever

howd you like it, im not doing another tea party one until i get a review :/ 


	8. O knittng again!

dont own...damn you Japan...with your ninjas...and hello kitty...

Next week at the tea party of DEATH!  
------------------------------------

Zabuza: welcome back everyone, glad you didnt break my door and walls this time gai

Gai: NO PROBLEM!!

Kakashi:...whyd i come here again...

Orochimaru: Where's Garaa? I need him for my army of teenage boys, who could be use for other reasons...involving them...and me...simultaniously...

Garaa:...do i want to know what he was talking about?

everyone: we dont even want to know

Garaa noticed haku in an apron...and started knitting

Zabuza: well...someone likes knitting a little bit too much

Garaa: done

Zabuza: Wah? howd you...

Garaa was giving an expertly made Haku doll to Haku. Then began to knit again. Zabuza cut his eyes at Garaa, and they were locked like that that for a few minutes, until Garaa finished knitting his Garaa doll to Haku's doll's hand.

Haku:...thats...subdle...

Zabuza:...RAAAAAAAGGGGGGGEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

Garaa: Calm down angry clown

he said obviously mocking him, and making lewd and incredibly suggestive shoulder movements towards Haku.

Zabuza: NOBODY MAKES SHOULDER MOVEMENTS AT MY MAN!

Garaa:...man?...o.o...0.0...XX

Zabuza was still furious with Garaa, but began with the orogami swans again

Haku: Zabuza...maybe you shoulnt be

Zabuza: sh...concentrating

Orochimaru: looky what I made, its a Garaa doll ;)

Garaa: oh...I thought i heard haku was...crazy dream...

said Garaa waking up, from fainting...who happened to be in denial

Zabuza: dont even think about anymore shoulder movements or knitting, go make sandwhiches or something

Garaa:D with haku? oknoneedtoanswer

He said and ran into the kitchen with Haku.

Zabuza: damn it ALL!!!

he said and ran into kitchen, where Garaa was trying to kiss Haku

Garaa walked out with Zabuza held up by the ankle with Garaa's sand.

Kakash: I didnt know that you were...like that

Garaa: like what?

Kakashi: you know...

Garaa: no

Kakashi: into guys

Garaa: -annoyed- what do you mean?

Kakashi: I mean with Haku

Garaa: what about Haku?

Kakashi: Haku's a guy

Garaa glanced over to Haku...that, is not a guy

Zabuza: oh yes it is -wink- i know from experience

Garaa: wah?

Garaa lost the color from his face

Garaa: oh..my...god...

Orochimaru: Garaa...i suddenly realized you're perfect to join my army...yeah, army

Garaa: army you say?

Things were pretty normal after that, you know except no one cares that there are 4 or 3 villains sitting at the table...until it was time to show what they made

Zabuza sat in the corner, hiding in a pile of non-swan failure

Haku: what did you knit Zabuza?

Zabuza: nothing, how about I wear it later

Garaaa: oh, yeah, well! Ill look better in it!

Kakashi: I made a leoplurodon

Gai: i made an orogami swan

Garaa: I made a suicide note :D

Orochimaru: I knit something incredible innapropriate that I cant describe because it will be bleep.

Zabuza: what do you mean?

Orochimaru held up a large blur

Zabuza: oh...how is that even possible?

Orocimaru: who...cares?

Kakashi: not I

Haku: who wants to play a game?

Orochimaru: how about 7 minutes in heaven with spin the bottle?!

he said glancing at sasuke and Sai, who randomly appeared.

Haku: you mean we spin the bottle to see who gets 7 minutes in heaven?

Orochimaru: sure, that seems good

they flipped a 7 sided coin and Garaa got the first spin, he had already repressed finding out he was gay for haku.

Garaa spun and it landed on Haku:

Zabuza: THAT DIDNT COUNT!!

Zabuza spun it for him and it landed on Haku again

Zabuza:...crap, well I guess ill go since Haku is spoken for

Garaa: HEY!

Zabuza spun and it landed on Garaa, he smiled slyly and dragged Garaa into the closet.

Kakashi: so...what do we do while they're in there?

Haku: I dont know...ill go make some san-

Zabuza: HE's MINE!!

Garaa: that HURTS!!!

sand was pouring from beneath the doorframe

Zabuza: STOP THAT!! it tickles

Haku: What's...going on in there?

Zabuza: YOU'RE..GOING...DOWN!!

Garaa: like hell I am YOU'RE GOING DOWN!

Zabuza: dont TOUCH me there!

-ding- they walked out, their 7 minutes were up, they walked out with their clothes torn off, mostly...

Haku:-SOB- WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM!?!

Gai: way to go Zabuza

Orochimaru:...now im sure you're joining, whether you want to or not...

Garaa: um...

Orochimaru: TAKE ME NOW DAMN YOU!!

--------done for now----------

Tune in next time for when someone is paired with someone else for 7 minutes in heaven...who will it be? haku and garaa? Zabuza and Orochimaru? youll have to see.

please review if you want a next on like this one. 


	9. by unpopular demand!

well...I guess you dont like long chapters and tea party's with Zabuza...so here's something else

dont own em

An average day in konoha ------------------------

Kakashi: well...time to go train my students

Pakkun: what? already?

Kakashi: what do you mean?

Pakkun: you usually go and stare at a rock for two hours before going

Kakashi: ehh, i dont feel like it today

At the training grounds ------------------------

Naruto: say...you know how Kakashi is always late?

Sasuke: yeah, what of it?

Naruto: well...how about we just come here in 2 hours when Kakashi usually shows up?

Sasuke: because dobe...we...uh...

Sakura: Great idea Sasuke, we should come back here in 2 hours

Naurto: but..it was...

Sasuke: yeah, i know Sakura, whatever...lets just do what i suggested

Naruto: I said i-

Sasuke: shut up dobe, you're so slow, just cmon and get back here on time.

Naruto: -sigh-

a few minutes later -------------------

Kakashi: suprised?

The wind:

Kakashi: huh? where...are they?

two and a half hours later --------------------------

Naruto: so I says to mable I says...

Kakashi: you're late

The students: uh...

Kakashi: ive been sitting here for two and half hours!!

Sasuke: well...you see...we were walking by this store and an elderly woman needed out assistance..

Kakashi: LIARS!

Students:uh...lets just get started with todays trainin

-----------done----------

well...hope you deciede to review this time, so you can get longer chapters. 


	10. A true story of love and debotchery

Caution: suggestive things and naughty language

Dont own characters

A trip into Orochimaru's past ------------------------------

It was a Dark and mostly cloudy night...when Orochimaru was shocked into a flash back...which begins...right...3,2,

Young Orochimaru had just finished tonight's experiments. The sinister jutsu master glared darkly out into the night. Who knows what twisted things he may be thinking at this time?

"Tsk, I'm never gonna get this blood out from under my nails…" The much-less sinister looking man looked over his nails carefully.

"Orochimaru!"

Shit! He'd been found out!

"What blood!" He quickly covered his lab smock with his man-dress/ kimono. Jiraya and Tsunade stood, both holding separate boxes, "Oh, it's you."

He had long since known that those two were clueless. Jiraya had literally seen him covered in dripping blood and thought he had just come back from a mission. Tsunade had some brains, but her blind devotion to Dan stopped any disturbing thoughts about Orochimaru.

"What's up?" Jiraya and Tsunade glanced at each other, then looked back, "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"We've heard rumors Orochimaru." Jiraya said silently, "Disturbing rumors…"

'Oh shit.' Orochimaru glanced left and right nervously, "I don't have any idea what you're talking about."

"The third told us what you've been doing at night."

'shitshitshitshitshit'

"And what has he been telling you?"

"Well, not directly telling us. We just heard him saying that he 'couldn't believe you'd be the type of man to experiment like this.' And after a long talk, me and Tsunade realize that…"

"I swear it doesn't mean anything!"

"We're on your side."

"Please don't hurt… say wha?"

"You have to understand that the third comes from an older time, he doesn't understand your experiments."

"That's exactly what I've been saying!"

"I still think it's unnatural," Jiraya looked away from the two of them, "but if this is what you feel you need to do, then I can accept it."

"Guys…" Orochimaru teared up, "We should talk about this in a more secluded area."

"Good idea, to the bar!" Tsunade whipped out her emergency liquor.

"I was thinking more along the lines of the forest, but I don't suppose many people will listen to us there."

"Do you carry that around with you?" Jiraya completely ignored Orochimaru, "You have a problem."

"Don't judge me!"

And so the three leaf sannin walked, hand in hand, to Konoha's place of debauchery and sin, then past the children's center to the bar. Within ten minutes the three most powerful ninja in the village were sitting in the corner booth, taking shots.

"I still can't believe you two understand what I'm doing." Orochimaru's previously pale cheeks were starting to turn pink.

"Everybody experiments in one part of their life." Tsunade poured herself another shot, "Me, I was experimenting every weekend, picking my targets carefully, and working like that."

"I can totally relate."

"I don't know what she's saying." Jiraya snorted drunkenly, "I for one never experimented."

"You're different Jiraya, unhealthily different." Tsunade fumbled with her purse to get more booze money, "Of course, this was before I met Dan and he set me straight."

"Of course, who knows, my experiments may not produce fruit." Orochimaru was slinking back in the booth now, almost out of sight.

"But if they do show you something…" Tsunade cupped Orochimaru's hand, "…"

"We're still your friends." Jiraya finished the sentence and smiled.

"Guys…" Orochimaru teared up again and brought them into a hug.

"And if it doesn't turn out that your gay, that's even better."

"Thanks agai… wait… what?"

"I meant that if it turned out you liked pussy I could hook you up with a girl."

"I'm not gay."

"We realize that." Tsunade still cupped his hand, "You're just experimenting."

'Oh god!' Orochimaru tried to wrench his hand away, but Tsunade had him in an ever-loving death grip, "I'm not gay!"

Shit, he had yelled that last one. Now the bar was silent. Except of course for Jiraya.

"Wait… Then what did the Hokage mean when he said you were experimenting with the men of the village?"

'shitshitshit everyone's looking shitshitshit.' Orochimaru grabbed Jiraya's shoulder and whispered hoarsely, "Shut up!"

"You aren't at a turning point of your life and Tsunade made me buy you a coming out gift!"

'Oh God!' Orochimaru's face had gone beyond red and somewhere at the bar a drunken guy fell of his stool laughing, "Coming out gift?"

"Ya, here. My porn store gets these sometimes." Jiraya pushed his brown package to Orochimaru and peeled back the paper.

''A man's guide to homoerot…. Oh God!' At this point the bar started snickering, "I don't want this!"

"Damn right your gonna take it! I had to steal that because I'm a regular at that store."

'Oh God everyone's looking, how could this get worse?'

"Well, as a medic-nin it's my duty to promote good health," Tsunade brought out her package and placed it on the table, "Make sure both you and your lover wear these."

'OH GOD!' Laughter enveloped the bar, Orochimaru grabbed the table to keep from killing people, "I don't want them…"

"But I got them specially made, their strawberry flavored, you like strawberries."

Everyone in the bar was screaming with laughter, even the deaf-mute boy was pointing and breathing heavy, which is laughter to them.

"Oh God!" Orochimaru had lost all inner monologue, "Let me go Tsunade!"

"We're just trying to tell you that we accept who you are, I've known for a long time that you might be that way."

"I'm not gay!"

Orochimaru couldn't take the laughter anymore! Screw the hand! he'd get a new one from his lab!

"Oro… are you trying to chew off your arm?"

'So close! A few more bites and I'd be free!'

Tsunade was creeped out at this point and decided just to let go of his hand. Orochimaru wasted no time in bolting from there; he jumped on the table, broke the window, and jumped into the forgiving night.

The night wasn't so forgiving however as the porch light came on and it was revealed that Orochimaru had caught his man-dress/kimono on the broken glass.

'shitshitshitshitshit, this is it, I have to leave town!'

And you all know the story from there, Orochimaru was caught leaving by the Hokage and an epic battle ensued. Leaving Orochimaru a missing nin. But some still say, on quiet nights, you can still hear him yelling in the distance.

"I'm not gay…. I'm not gay…" 


	11. the sand ninjas

the characters I forgot, and dont own

Temari: how dare you!!

me:...poofs away

caution: naughty language and suggestive things

------------the forgotten------------

Garaa: hn

Temari: hn

cat man:hn... WHAT THE HELL MY NAMES NOT CAT MAN!!

Kankuro: much better

Garaa: were you arguing with the author again about your name?

Kankuro: no...

Temari: certainly sounded like it

kanky: no, I was...talking to...myself

Garaa: really? I thought I was the only one who did that

Catty kanky: yeah, well...learn something new everyday...

Kanny said suppressing the urge to murder the omnipitent being that is the author for constantly changing his name to embarassing things.

Temari: guess so

Garaa:...things sure slowed down around here since I became Kazekage

Michael: well thats because they...Michael? how did you get that?

Author: dont mock me fool!

Fool: or what? you'll change my name agan?

Author: worse

Suddenly and shockingly Kankuro decieded to put on the scarf his grandmother had sent him.

Kankuro: no!! anything but that!!

he yelled trying to cling to something or trip himself so he couldnt keep going.

Kankurooo: please...anything but that!!

he pulled out his scarf. Temari started laughing like crazy. For the scarf was bright pink and coated with sparkles, with neon green trims at each end, worst of all in VIBRANT silver sparkle glue, was "princess" written across it. and he put it on, no...not only put it on, but superglued it on.

Temari: -choking on laughter-

Garaa: -smirk for half a second-

Kankuraaaa: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

he shouted for the entire village of sand to hear

meanwhile across town ---------------------

random shopkeep: here you go, some fine sil-

Kankahahahaha: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

shopkeep: hn, hes arguing with the author again.

back in the Garaa cave ----------------------

Garaa: I think it suits you

Temari: -still choking on laughter-

Temari stopped suddenly for a plot device

Temari: we.should.go.to.vis-it. nar-u-to.

Garaa: I. agree.

Kank: wah? but we never visit people

Garaa: I...had a sudden urge to.

kano: maybe i should take off this terrible embarassing scarf

Temari: NO TIME!!

she yelled suddenly and waved her fan at herself, Garaa, and kono sending them in the direction of Konoha

Kankuro: that seemed unnecassary.

Temari: me meme unnecameme

she said obviously mocking him, in the most childish way possible.

Itachi from the ground: look at those three go, whoever they are

Kisame: yep, now come back into the water you silly goose.

Itachi: coooming!!!

and Itachi pranced into the lake.

kinky:...ok, what was with those two guys in thongs back there?

Temari: which guys?

Kannko: the blue one and the emo one.

Temari: oh, who cares?

from in the distance: DAMN YOU OROGAMI SWANS!!!

other voice: ZABUZA JUST STOP TRYING!!

Garaa: well...that was odd.

Naruto: HI GARAA!

Garaa used his sand to stop himself and his...family members or whatever kankuro and temari are.

Kanky: is this even possible?

Garaa: yes it is kanky

he said emphasizing on the last word.

Kankuro:...beginning to hate this story

Naruto: NICE SCARF KANKURO!!

Kankuro: -sigh-...this is gunna be a long day

Sasuke: hey, orochimaru, check out that guy's scarf.

Oro: oooooh, I know what I want for my birthday!

Sasuke:...why did I go with you again?

Orochimaru: cause...why was it again?

and they pondered.

anyway, back to the main characters.

Kankuro: Temari please, fan me back to out village

Temari: that wouldnt be fun for Garaa and me.

Garaa was distracted by a gang shooting(with arrows of course)

Garaa: oh, did you see that Temari! right in the throat!

Kankura: this story is weird

Temari: yep, but as long as nothing happens to me, im fine with it.

Garaa: same here.

Kanku: we'll see how long your loving this will last.

he said slipping me a picture of Garaa in a school girl outfit (mix up at the academy)

Temari: what did you just do...the whole world shimmered, as if planning was changed completely.

suddenly Garaa lost all control of his sand, Temari fell to the ground landing awkwardly on Shikimaru, and Garaa, who was now defenceless...fell through Rock Lee's ceiling. Kankuro stayed up because the sand under him miraculusly stayed up.

Lee: O: GARAA! now that I am better I challenge you to a re-match

before Garaa could say anything Lee dragged him away to an underground Gai cave.

Temari: well, this is awkward...

Shikimaru: very, and yet to troublesome to move you...or myself

Temari: I cant feel my legs

so they just sat there. one couldnt move and one to lazy to move.

Back at the Gai cave (buhnuhnuhnuhnuh)  
--------------------------------------

Gai pressed a button putting up a barrier around Lee and Garaa.

Gai: FIGHT MY YOUTHFUL PUPIL!!!!

Lee: I WILL SENSEI, I WILL MAKE YOU PROUD

Gai: OH LEE!!!

Lee: OH SENSEI!!

and the background changed to a sunset with waves crashing and they tried to hug, but were electrecuted by the barrier.

Lee: oh...that hurt

Gai: OH, LEE...ATLEAST WE CHANGED THE BACKGROUND!

Lee: YES!! CHANGING THE BACKGROUND IS VERY YOUTHFUL!!

Gai and Lee: HUUUUUUUUUUUU-HAZQAFLAGLES

They were electrecuted again.

Garaa: ugh, why has no one killed you yet?

Lee: BECAUSE WE ARE YOUTHFUL!!

Gai: AND SUPRISINGLY FASTER THAN ANYONE!!

Garaa: even Kakashi

Gai: ESPECIALLY KAKASHI! COME STUDENT YOU'VE BEEN YOUTHFUL ENOUGH HERE!!

Lee: YOU ARE RIGHT, TOO YOUTHFUL AROUND OUT COMPANY.

Gai: OH LEE!!

Lee: OH GAI!!

this time they both shorted out the barrier and fell unconcious. and their clothes started to burn.

Garaa: im...gunna leave, now.

Shortly after stating that he used his sand to escape the terribly embarassing scene, which will mentally scar him forever.

Back with Temari and Shikimaru ------------------------------

Shika's dad: GOD DAMN IT SHIKKY GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE FOR DINNER.

Shikimaru: how troublesome.

and he tried to get up but his and Temari's legs were entangled, which was incredibly convenient because she fell asleep a few minutes before Shika's dad yelled.

Shikimaru: hey, wake up...I have to eat dinner.

Temari: -mumbles in sleep-

Shikimaru: ugh, how troublesome...wait chouji, go tell my dad I wont be home for dinner

Chouji: o..k...I can see your busy

he said, looking at them.

Shikimaru:...just go tell him.

so chouji ran off to to eat Shikimaru's dinner.

Shikimaru:...how am I supposed to get out of this, oh, my pants are caught in her fishnet.

So shikimaru took his pants off, coincidentally Kakashi walked up after that and stared for a few seconds.

Kakashi: well...way to go Shikimaru.

Shikimaru: -blushing-

Kakashi: well, ill just leave you two alone.

Shikimaru: wait come back, i need your help!!

Kakashi threw Come Come Paradise at him.

Shikimaru: NOT THAT KIND OF HELP YOU PERVERTED OLD MAN.

Shikimaru:...well, I have always wondered what was in here.

So he began to read, got to page five, the nosebled, and passed out.

elsewhere ---------

Shikimaru's dad: Well hello son.

he said to chouji wearing a ripped/ripping one of Shikimaru's jacket. Chouji inhaled everyone's dinner.

Shikimaru's dad: woah son, got quite the appetite, eh?

Chouji: mhn

back with kankuro -----------------

Kankuro: well...I guess Id better climb down now.

but yet he fell, onto Naruto's face, while simultaniously shattering his knees.

back with the lovers --------------------

Temari woke up

Temari:...whats with this blood? huh, a book?

Temari read it as well.

Temari: meh, hey...why cant i move...hmm?

she looked at shikimaru in his Batman(c) boxers.

Temari:...perv, ugh...great, my shirts caught on his fishnet shirt.

So she took off her shirt, and tried to get up again.

Temari: damn...pants to

and she took off her pants but it didnt help.

Temari: well...this sucks

back in the Gai cave --------------------

Gai and Lee wake up to find that they're nude.

Gai: LEE YOU HAVE NO CLOTHES!!

Lee: SENSEI!! WHERE ARE YOUR CLOTHES!!

Gai: WELL THATS OK BECAUSE REAL MEN STRUT AROUND NAKED!!

Lee: OK COURSE SENSEI!!!

Gai: LET US RUN AROUND TOWN SQUARE AND THROUGH THE HOKAGE'S MANSION THINGY 500 TIMES!!!

Lee: AND IF WE FAIL WE MUST DO 1000 PUSHUPS IN THE SCARF KANKURO'S AUNT GOT US!!!

Gai: OH LEE!!

Lee: OH SENSEI!!!

Both: HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGG!

and the background changed to sunset

Gai: LETS GO!!

back at the intwined couple ---------------------------

Temari:...i wish he'd wake up already

Kakashi walked up again

Kakashi: he couldnt take it, eh?

Temari: hmm? who are you?

Shikimaru: Kakashi...why are you here?

Temari: kakashi?

Kakashi: yes?

Shikimaru: answer my question

Kakashi: I wanted my book back.

Temari:...could you untangle out legs?

Kakashi: nope

he said taking his book and poofing away.

-----end----------

Temari: hm...what an unfulfilling ending.

me: yeah well...it was too long anyway.

Garaa: what became of us?

Kankuro: yeah, seriously

me: why do you care, what you should be worrying more about is what Temari was doing with Shika.

Garaa and Kankuro: -reads unedited script-

Temari:...nothing happened

but it was to late, Garaa already had Shikimaru and was smacking him into a wall, while Kankuro was using his puppets to poison/ shoot him full of kunai.

me: sorry Shika fans, but...he deserved it, for giving up in the fight against Temari.

please review, no flames about Shika please. 


	12. FILLER HELL!

hello, this one is about an important issue to all Naruto fans, fillers.

True this one does go a bit father than all the others...hope you enjoy

FILLER MADNESS!  
----------------

It was a very mundane mission for all team 7, just a simple take a guy here mission, until of course they got bored and someone jumped from out of nowhere, and stated why he was attacking them.

mystery kid: well hello Sasuke...im here to kill you

Kakashi: another one? crap

Naruto: who are you why do you want to kill Sasuke!

Mystery kid: well let me go into a lengthy and incoherent to the storyline tale about my problems, and how I got them. Well, as you can see both my eyes are different colors, and have two different bloodline traits, the Hyuuga bloodline trait, and the uchiha one.

Sasuke: -le gasp!!-

Naruto: yeah, of course we noticed

Mystery kid: well you see what happened was that...

memories previous to his birth ------------------------------

even though they were both married, sasuke's mother and Neji's Father fell in love, and had a bastard child. Luckily for them Sasuke's dad isnt the smartest sp.ed. in the sp.ed. class.

Sasuke's dad: damn honey, you're getting fat

Itachi: ill kill you all one day (this was before Sasuke was born)

Sasuke's dad: well prove it pansy.

Itachi: oh...I will

Sasuke's dad: pfft, id like to see you try.

Sasuke's mom: dont provoke the ANBU memeber, dear

Sasuke's dad: feh, he was lucky that he got past the academy.

and it went on like that until Itachi snapped and you know the story.

they of course didnt keep the bastard child, and tossed him into the woods.

later that year, Sasuke was born.

later on in his memories ------------------------

One time I was almost taken in by a passing stranger.

Zabzua: hm...two bloodline traits? i really only need one.

he walked past him and saw a yound haku

Zabuza: thats what im talking about!

It was hard growing up alone, and being denied by all those people because of my eyes.

back to the present -------------------

Naruto: -asleep-

sasuke:...so you're saying my mother was a whore?

mystery kid: no, im saying OUR mother is a whore and I want to kill you.

Kakashi: no one calls my secret lover a whore!

kakashi activated his sharingan.

Naruto: wait kakashi, what's yout name mystery kid

mystery kid: uchiha, Hyuuga, Craig

Naruto: oh...

Craig: foolish kakashi! dont you think I know my bloodline trait's weakness?!

Kakashi: OH NO!

and craig threw a cat in kakashi's line of vision, and Kakashi was forced to copy it until his chakra ran out

Craig: hahahahaha!

Naruto: prepare to die!

and naruto shadow cloned himself then jumped at him

Craig: idiot

Craig combined two handed Chidori and the 64 palm strike and attacked Naruto with it

everyone: SUNOVABITCH!!!

Craig: 2 strike! 4 strikes! 8 strikes! 16 strikes! 34 strikes!! 64 strikes!!

Sakura: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO and after I finally realized my feelings for him

Sasuke: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO i wanted to kill Naruto!

Kakashi: -cleaning himself in a cat-like manor-

Craig: pretty cool right?

Sasuke: yeah, actually

Sakura: SASUKE!!

Craig: mangekeyuo sharingan!

and he made it seem that Sakura's worst fear was coming to life with it, Sakura went into a coma for 3 years.

Sasuke: can you teach me to do that?

and they laughed about it, and became the best of friends

Craig was accepted in the village by everyone except hinata.

In the village --------------

Hinata: hey sasuke, where's N-naruto?

Sasuke: oh, craig murdered him

Hinata: wh-what!

Sasuke: CRAIG!! KILLED!! NARUTO!!

Hinata: Who's Craig?

Craig: I am, -le gasp!- you're one of the Hyuuga clan!

Hinata: so?

Craig: I am to

Hinata: you're part of my clan and Naruto's murderer?

Craig: pretty much

Hinata: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Craig: guess ill be staying with you from now on Sasuke

Sasuke: hurray! and without rivalry and a family soo all my emo-ness and mental scars will go away.

Sakura: -in a coma-

Hinata: wait...Where's Kakashi then?

Sasuke: OH MY GOD WE FORGOT KAKASHI!!

meanwhile deep in the woods ---------------------------

kakashi: -acting like a cat-

cat: -licks its own buttock-

Kakashi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

----end----

yeah, kinda short I knoww but atleast its a great story.

please review 


	13. review with ideas, please

sorry about those short ones, but...you know, no reviews...and it bothered me, well, you know the deal.

----Tea party-------

Gaara was sweating and panting, from the last time in the closet, and fighting off Orochimaru. But yet, gave his turn to Gai.

Gai: HAHA!! ANOTHER YOUTHFUL CHANCE FOR YOUTH!!

Gai spun the bottle, a little to fast and it spun for quite awhile, you could cut the tension with a paperclip's edge, and it landed on, big suprise! Gai's fantasticly, uncaring rival. Kakashi.

Kakashi:...god hates me.

Gai: ANOTHER CHANCE TO SUCCEED!!!

Kakashi:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

and was dragged off yelling that into the closet.

Gaara: you know...ive noticed that there are only gay men here.

Orochimaru: That was planned.

Zabuza: is Kakashi gay?

Haku: I do-

Gai: IM TOTALLY WINNING!!

Orochimaru: well, Gai is atleast

Haku: definitely

Orochimaru: yeah, Kakashi's on my list of men to turn gay

Kakashi: -pops head out of closet- list of what?

Gai: -growls- GET BACK IN HERE!! THIS ISNT OVER!!

Gaara: seems like

Zabuza: SHUT UP AND STAY AWAY FROM MY MAN!!

Haku: o-o

Gaara: HES MINE!! YOU ONLY LIKE HIM AS A WEAPON!!

Orochimaru: take your shirt off.

Gaara: why?

Orochimaru: for the fight

Gaara: which fight?

Orochimaru: the one im starting -shoves haku on Gaara-

Zabuza: bastard!! STOP MAN HANDELING MY MAN! -rips shirt off-

Garaa: BRING IT ON BITCH!! -rips shirt off as well-

Orochimaru: now kiss.

Gaara and Zabuza: stay out of this.

Gai: STOP STRUGGALING AND LET ME TAKE YOUR PANTS OFF!

Kakashi: we dont actually have to do this!

Gai: SURE, SAY THAT WHEN YOU'RE LOSING!

Kakashi: there's no way to win

Gai: THAN WHY ARE YOU STUGGALING!

Kakashi: because I dont want you to get in my pants!

Haku: we'll see how long Kakashi's straightness lasts in here...

he said looking around at Zabuza and Gaara ripping each others clothes off and rolling the ground together, and of course Orochimaru, videotaping it.

-ding- Kakashi ran outta there in only his boxers and into a corner, rocking back and forth.

Gai: HAHA! FANTASTIC!! THATS 52-51 KAKASHI!

Gai: what's this?

he looked down at Gaara and Zabuza wrestling

Gai: MAKE ROOM FOR ME!!-rips off tights, so he's only wearing a buisness suit-

Kakashi: never...coming back...

Orochimaru: shall we continue, look at these fantastic results.

Haku: well, theres only me and you, and...I dont think so.

Orochimaru: why not, afraid you'll like it?

Haku: gross

Orochimaru: besides, Kakashi is still Fair game

Kakashi: -holding a cellphone- yes, please come here, yeah, bring her too...because its a very important matter. No its not a nude beach this time.

Haku: fine...

Orochimaru spun the bottle which landed on the door, which just so happened to bust open to Kurenai, Tsunade, and Kiba's mom.

Kakashi: OMG LUCKY!!

Orochimaru: NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Zabuza: huh? women? its...been so long

Kurenai: Kakashi...what is this?

Kakashi: saving my heterosexuality.

Tsunade: is that Orochimaru?

Kakashi: yeah...

Kiba's mom: Why are they fighting half naked?...and why is it being video-taped?

Kurenai: yeah, what exactly is going on here with these villains and the gay porn?

Kakashi: well it started as a knitting club an-

The women: -laughing-

Tsunade: I had no idea you loved knitting so much Kakashi.

Kurenai: yeah, real hetero.

Zabuza:...women

he couldnt stop staring at their chests.

Haku: -anime rage eyes-

Zabuza: -still staring-

Garaa: now's my chance!

He ran up and kissed Haku.

Zabuza: -slowly turning hetero-

Haku and Orochimaru: NOOOOO!!!!

Haku: and get off me Gaara

Gaara: never.

Zabuza:...I think ill go now Haku

Haku: wait Zabuza, atleast get th-

The door slammed shut.

Kakashi: woohoo! lets go Zabuza, I know a great place...its a strip Club i go to before meeting my students.

Haku: ZABUZA! NO!

Gaara: Haku, yes!

Orochimaru:...no more half naked men fights...im outta here

Haku: wait dont leave me

Orochimaru: sorry, you're to old for me

Haku: you're like 60!

Orochimaru: my mind is, but my body isnt.

Gaara: now, now Haku...just relax...

Haku: Gaara...stay away!

Gaara: nonsense, im going to give you the greatest gift a man can give.

Haku: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Gaara: all the Halos, a Hexbox 360, and a TV to take up the entire wall

Haku: oh, I thought you were going to do something else...

Gai: so did I.

Gaara: get the hell out Gai.

---end----

get your mind out of the gutter, and...im outta material for this, sorry. :/ this one is kinda winding down.

please review if you have an idea or something 


	14. Beta reader

ight, after watching Jay and Silent Bob(c) movies, im ready for another tea party!!

Previously on "Sasuke's Fantastic Day"  
--------------------------------------

Tsunade: Why is there gay porn being filmed?

Gai: -growls- GET BACK IN HERE THIS ISNT OVER!!

Orochimaru: take off your shirt.

Zabuza: STOP MANHANDELING MY MAN!!

Kurenai:..vilains and gay porn?

Kabuto: Orochimaru! I'm pregnant!!

what happened -------------

Tsunade: looks like I'll have to arrest you guys.

Kakashi: not me.

Tsunade: especially you.

Lee: LOOK! I miraculously am still alive, or whatever happened to me, didnt effect me as previously thought.

Tsunade: you're coming to.

now back to the exciting conclusion -----------------------------------

Zabuza: how is hosting a knitting club/tea party a crime!!

He screamed being dragged, while bound.

Tsunade: it isnt, but being a murderous missing nin/ allowing gay porn to shot WITHOUT a permit, or written consent fo either parents. I think one of them was underaged to.

Kiba: That wasnt gay porn, they were fighting.

Zabuza: how would you know?

Haku: yeah, i didnt see you there.

Kiba: well, i was looking up gay porn with Shino and was disappointed to find that

Tsunade: well hes still a murderer and missing nin

Kiba: well then i supposed my testimoney didnt help any.

Kakashi: sure didn't

he was being dragged as well.

Kakashi: and for what reason am i being taken to ninja jail?

Kurenai: well...we're just tired of you supporting Jaraiya.

Kakashi: you can't do that.

Haku: im technically to young to go to jail...and dead.

Tsunade: well, whatever...you're an accomplise.

Kiba's mom: KIBA! how do we have computers but not cars or such vehicles?

Orochimaru: stop breaking the fourth wall.

Kiba's mom:...k

In the jail cell ----------------

Zabuza:...this sucks.

Kakashi: yeah,

Gai: YOU SAID IT!!

Kakashi:...this just got worse, Gai, how and why are you here?

Gai: I WASN'T GOING TO LET GO TO JAIL BEFORE ME!!

Kakashi: thanks for being so descriptive.

Gai: ITS WHAT I DO!!

Lee: I was barely at the party...

Haku: hit us up with some jams random criminal #5!

random criminal #5: But of course

And he turned on "ABC" by the Jackson 5.

Which spawned a large and elaborate, well corregraphed dance all throughout Konoha, or Kohana...whichever you perfer.

Kakashi: wow...havent done that since High School...When that guy in the black leather jacket found out his summer love was going to the same school, and that differences dont matter and we can all get along in the end.

Gai:...when was that?

Kakashi: oh, that was when you and 5 other odd people were in Detention and went around the principal to have fun around the school because a rebel convinced you all so.

Gai: yeah, like the "Breakfe-

Kakashi: SHUT UP!! We dont want to get sued.

Zabuza: quite and unfulfilling ending

Haku, Kakashi, Gai, and Orochimaru: agreed.

--End----

until I get a beta-reader, and a review...i dont care if you dont think its good, just leave some CREATIVE criticism.

sorry if it was short 


	15. unoriginal

down own any of the characters. 

sorry for being late, but writers block.

Down at the prom ----------------

Naruto: so...we're in school now?

Sasuke: the readers stopped caring after chapter 4

Sakura: hm...a prom? wonder who my date is...

Ino: c'mon Naruto let's go dance!

Naruto was dragged off by his date.

Sasuke: Ino? HE gets Ino, well...wonder who I got.

Zabuza: why are we at a highschool dance?

Haku: shh...this is my jam.

Zabuza: fine...but im not dancing.

'virtual insanity' started playing

Sakura:...maybe we didnt get dates

Sasuke: maybe you didnt.

Sakura: what's that supposed to mean?

Sasuke: no, its just im the sexy misunderstood jackass whom all girls seem to be fans/stalkers of. I could get any girl in here to be my date, well except Hinata.

Neji: What about Hinata?

Sasuke: nothing, just that I could never get a Hyuuga

Neji: you're so silly Sasuke, of course you could.

Sasuke: you're...ok with it?

Neji: well you're already with a Hyuuga.

Sasuke: really? well...where is Hinata anyway?

Neji: no, me

Sasuke: -anime disgusted/suprised face-

Neji: let's go dancing, and dont worry I've got just the thing for you to change into.

Sasuke: -face stuck like that-

Sakura: hm...guess Naruto was right about him. GAARA!!??!?!?

Gaara was dancing, terribly, yet everyone complimented him for obvious reasons.

Kankuro: whyd he have to drag us here.

Temari and Kankuro were serving punch, because they cant dance, and are ashamed.

Temari: I cant believe how much he sucks after all those lessons.

Kankuro: yeah, it was embarassing to see him try and ballet dance at the Sand village talent show extravaganza last week.

Temari: pfft, his tutu was more embarassing...

Kankuro: dance

Temari: tutu

Kankuro: dance

Temari: tutu

Kankuro: dance

Temari: TUTU!

Kankuro: DANCE!!

and they started to fight as 'Fergalicious' started

Safrina: hello, i came up with the idea for this, love me for it!!

Suddenly Hinata walked in.

Safrina in the distance: dont think you can pan away from me, now LOVE ME!!LOVE ME!!!LOVE ME DAMN YOU!!!

Safrina mysteriously disapeared.

Hinata: Sakura-chan, where is Naruto-kun?

Sakura: over there with that whore Inu

Ino: its Ino!

Sakura: whatever.

Hinata: well...where is your date?

Sakura: what do you mean?

Hinata: you know, Shikimaru

Sakura:...I asked out Shikimaru?

Hinata: y-you dont remember?

Sakura: no

Hinata:...slut

Sakura: what?

Hinata: nothing

Shikimaru's house -----------------

Shikimaru:...seems like im forgetting something

Shikimaru's dad: me to

Shikimaru's mom: you were supposed to tell shikimaru to go pick up Sakura, or go to the prom or something.

Shikimaru and his dad: shit!

Back at the prom ----------------

Sakura: well...do you know where he is?

Hinata: shh, ive got planning to do.

and she ran off into the rafters, putting on a cloak and mask.

Sakura:...she really needs to get a hobby, its just embarassing to see her obscessing over someo-SASUKE!!OVER HERE! DANCE WITH ME!! COME BACK!! STOP RUNNING!!!

Shikimaru burst thru the doors, in a tuxedo top and black shorts.

Sakura: SAS-UKE!

Shikimaru: stop trying he's gay, and im your date anyway...whatever

Sakura: what took you so long?

Shikimaru: uh...I told Kakashi to remind me about it

Sakura: oh

up in the rafters -----------------

Hinata: if that Ino whore thinks she can take my Naruto she has another thing coming!! HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!

Janitor: shh...its hard to sweep with you yelling like that.

Hinata: sorry...

Janitor: if you're gunna be loud do it where ive already swept like that nice boy over there

He pointed to a shadowy figure in the corner.

Hinata: Gaara?

Gaara: what?

Hinata: why are you up here?

Gaara: same as you.

Hinata: you want to get Naruto back?

Gaara: obviously

Hinata: why?

Gaara: cause he's so sexy that's why

Hinata:...k

Gaara: you know what we must do...

Hinata: yes...

'Morning After' started

Gaara used his sand to try and shove her over the edge

'There's got to be a morning after...ooooh-ooooh-ooooh'

But Hinata used her chakra stick things to rip thru the sand and shove Gaara over the edge.

'I have to find the laughter'

Gaara luckily used his sand to latch back onto the rafters, and swing back around.

'My love has gone, but I live on...'

Hinata got kicked off the rafters, but luckily her fall was broken by Ino.

Naruto: hey, want to dance?

Hinata: uh...um...N-naruto-k-kun, y-y-

Gaara: of course ill dance with you Naruto.

Naruto: Actually I meant

Gaara: let's go, a slow dance is starting

Naruto: uh, whatever

Hinata: gr...ill get you Gaara, Huh?

back to Neji ------------

Neji: oh, sasuke...glad you decieded to take the drink with the roofie so you wouldnt run away.

Sasuke: -knocked out-

And they danced on into the night, until the drugs wore off and Sasuke beat the snot out of Neji.

Gaara and Naruto ----------------

Gaara: I enjoy dancing with you Naruto

Naruto: -fell asleep-

Gaara: you listen, not the other guys ive met.

Sakura: i think he's sle-

Gaara: STAY OUT OF THIS WHORE!!!

Sakura: -cries-

Hinata: -flashback-

flashback ---------

Hinata: look, aliens!

Hisashi: Thats your cousin

Hinata: i have a cousin? ooh, she's pretty

Hisashi: that's a boy

Hinata: look! a bird!

Hisashi: that's an orange

Hinata: your mom's an orange!

Gaara: -cries-

back to reality ---------------

Hinata: of course...his mother

Sakura: what about whos mother?

Hinata: nothing...

and she ran off

Sakura: she was acting weird.

Shikimaru: yeah

Temari: she always does

Kanky: yep.

Gaara: Naruto, you're so light on your feet, ill go get us some punch.

Gaara walked over to the punchbowl to find, his teddybear's head ripped off, and a sign in the stuffing

Sign: HE's MINE!!

Gaara: -cries-

Hinata then rushed in and stole Naruto away, and ran off into the night...

Gaara cried more, like a sissy.

Sakura and Sasuke were horrifically emotionally and physically scarred.

Temari took Shika, kankuro didnt do anything.

and shino...well shino was investigating things upstairs when he pulled a rope causing 10,000 balloons of red paint to fall on people still there.

-----end----

review and stuff

sorry for making you weird, safrina...and other readers, it was her idea for this


	16. 2 and one half years later

ok, I can explain about not writing for so long...it was um, because now im writing AFTER the time skip, yeah. 

I really havent read after the time skip but i have a general idea of whats going on so forgive if i get everything completely wrong.

----Return of Naruto------

Kakashi:...im kinda bored.

The wind blew.

Kakashi: hm, maybe ill go see if there's a new novel out...oh, right Jaraiya's busy training Naruto.

Gai yelled something in the distance, followed by Lee...then Gai again, and so on.

Kakashi: crap...everyone else I know is busy training their students. This sucks.

Neji ran by.

Kakashi:...I remember when my students ran by...-sigh-

Kakashi was incredibly bored with everything, because his pupil is the reason everyone's training. Now he had nobody to train. and all of his friends, and back-up friends were busy.

Gai: HAHAHA! RUN FASTER LEE!

Lee: SENSEI, WE'VE BEEN RUNNING FOR DAYS NOW...CAN WE STOP

Gai: I SAID FASTER DAMNIT!!!

Kakashi: same thing every day...

Naruto: Hi Kakashi

Kakashi: hmm? NARUTO!!!!

Naruto?

Kakashi ran up and hugged Naruto

Naruto: um...I love you and stuff sensei...but not like this

Kakashi: you're such an idiot...nice new jumpsuit

Naruto: thanks, im not sure how I got it.

Kakashi: that's odd

Naruto: yes it is...it was the strangest thing, i woke up today and it was like this.

Kakashi: hmm...sounds like a plot device to me

Naruto: a what?

Kakashi: plot device

Naruto: a what?

Kakashi: forget it.

Naruto: forget what?

Kakashi: nevermind, just come with me im sure Hinata would be...Naruto?

Naruto was climbing a tree to get a pinapple.

Kakashi:...guess he hasnt changed that much

Naruto: what were you saying Kakashi?

Kakashi: nothing, so do want to get reunited with all your old friends or whatever?

Naruto: -munch munch munch-

Naruto felt something suddenly, like he was being watched

Kakashi: Naruto, get down from there

Naruto: SHOW YOURSELF STALKER!!

Kakashi: stalker?

From behind Kakashi a person fell from a tree.

Kakashi:...good call Naruto

The person landed face down

Kakashi:...couldnt have been an enemy ninja

Naruto: oh, snap!

he ran over to the person who fell from the tree

Naruto: why didnt you catch yourself?

The person just shook the hair out of their eyes.

Charles the bear: damn, that was crazy

Kakashi: shut up Charles

Charles the bear: fine...ill just go do something crazy then

Kakashi: you do that...jerk

Charles the bear then ran off into the woods, knocked out Shikimaru, then Ino mistook Charles the bear for Shikimaru

Naruto: hey, the mystery person turned out to be Hinata.

Hinata: yeah, its true, and I wasnt stalking you...I was training

Naruto: yeah, what reasons could you have for stalking me?

Hinata:...right

Kakashi: well, I think i'll just go...do whatever it is I do while im not training you.

Naruto: k, whatever

Hinata: yeah, we dont care

Naruto stared at her for a long while

Hinata: what?

Naruto: you smell pretty

Hinata's thoughts:...he likes the smell of the soap i washed the dishes with?

Naruto: Hinata?

Hinata was still trying to figure out how to take this...and of course, ended up fainting.

Naruto: crap...have to take her home...which way was it again?

meanwhile

Shino: hm...feels like something crazy is about to happen

Kiba was jumping from atop a building chasing after the new, bigger Akamaru.

suddenly Lee and Gai came running past Shino, knocking off his coat.

Lee: KEEP THAT TUTU AWAY!!!

Gai: BUT WE MUST!! YOU DIDNT FINISH YOUR LAPS!!

Lee: BECAUSE YOU TACKLED ME!!

Gai: WEREN'T WE PLAYING FOOTBALL?

and then ran off out of hearing distance.

Shino, coatless, then ran off.

back to Naruto

Naruto was tired of searching around Honoha, so he set her down and unzipped his jacket to cool off.

Naruto: maybe I should ask someone.

Sakura walked out of the Flower shop, but unfortunately Naruto didnt see her, before she saw him

Sakura: hmm? HOLY CRAP!!

Sakura vision: half naked Naruto standing over knocked out Naruto

Sakura: RAGGLE FRAGGLE!!

and ran in a blind rage towards Naruto, ready to kill.

Hinata's Naruto's in danger senses tazered her back into life, and beat the crap out of Sakura, knocking her backwards, and through a wall.

back in Konoha

Rock lee unfortunately saved her from death by Hinata.

Naruto had ran off with Hiata, to her room, because while in shock all he could remember was get to her room.

Shortly after reaching Old man Hyuuga's place. Neji stepped out and stopped Naruto.

Neji: what do you think you're doing with Hinata?

Naruto: uh...She fainted on the walk ever here and i was returning her to her room.

Neji: and just why all the way to her room?

Naruto:..you'd rather carry her?

Neji: go right ahead

And so he set her down on her bed, and began to walk out, when Hinata's open diary caught his eye.

Hinata's Diary:

Dear Diary,

Today was a good day, first I woke up...then I brushed my teeth...then I had a piece of toast...then I buttered the next piece of toast...then I walked around town

...kinda bored since I dont have Naruto to stalk anymore. God damn Fing Sasuke and Sakura for chasing his (edited for explicit content) away from me, those a-----es

maybe ill murder then tomorrow. yeah, as soon as I finish staring at Kakashi to see if he takes his mask off in private, im gunna fing rip their

(rest edited out for naughty words, violent and elaborate plans/drawings. and things she would do to Naruto)

Naruto shuddered at this, and walked slowly and quietly out of Old man Hyuuga's house, and down a dark, dead-end, empty alley.

Naruto: hm...wonder...WHO THE HELL IS ON THE ROOFTOP BEHIND ME!!

The shadow fell to the ground, obviously embarassed about being found so quickly.

Naruto: who art thou?

Sasuke: Hi Naruto, nice to see you again

Sasuke smiled and waited for a retort.

ELSEWHERE

Satan: holy shit...where the f did all this ice from?

-------------He's Rick James Bitch------------

sorry if it isnt that fantastic, but I am a little out of practice, and im kinda tapped on the comedy thing cause ive been doing comics and I really can't hold up both as well as I used to.

also, I'd like to take this time to welcome my new Beta reader, Sarafina.

Sarafina...didnt send back fast enough, maybe next chapter Sara. which is already in the works


	17. later that same day

I'd like to thank DDRshaman, for inspiring this chapter.

also, found out how to be random and funny again!! HAHA! all it takes is giving something up. for me that something is sleep.

--Last time, in chapter 16--

Gai: TUTU!!

Sasuke: i'm about to tell how and why I came back.

Satan: just keeps getting colder...

--Back to the story--

Sasuke: well, it all happened a long time ago.

--what happened--

Orochimaru: wait, Sasuke...come back, I want your body.

Sasuke: can't you put it a different way? it makes you sound like some kind of sicko pedofile.

Orochimaru:...so?

Sasuke: I have to go and find Itachi.

Orochimaru: he isnt even around.

Sasuke: yeah, he is

Sasuke pointed to Itachi in a speedo splashing Kisame in the lake.

Orochimaru: that's...just..Kabuto's genjutsu

Kabuto: hey is that Itachi? HI ITACHI!! NICE SPEDO!

Itachi and Kisame skittered away into the woods.

Sasuke: damn you, Kabuto

Orochimaru: take me now Kabuto!

Kabuto: I love you, Kabuto

Sasuke: what, now you're referring to yourself in the third person?

Kabuto: Kabuto always refers to Kabuto's self in the third person.

Orochimaru: Orochimaru agrees with Kabuto and thinks Sasuke is crazy.

Sasuke: well Sasuke thinks that wearing these stupid ass clothes you made for me is retarded, and im gunna kill you.

Orochimaru:..he's silly

Kabuto: yeah, there's no way he could even kill his brother.

Orochimaru: especially not now.

Sasuke: why not now?

Orochimaru: cause...-hahaha- the 3 years are up Sasuke.

Sasuke: NO

Kabuto: wait, Oro-kun...im not a pedofile.

Orochimaru: so?

Kabuto: so...we cant exactly...you know...

Orochimaru: hmm?

Kabuto:...you know...

Orochimaru:...no i don't

Kabuto then whispered into Orochimaru's ear.

Orochimaru: oh...yeah, that does raise quite the problem.

Kabuto: hm...

Orochimaru: I know! I'LL JUST CHANGE MY FORM LIKE I ALWAYS DO WHEN I CHANGE BODIES!

Kabuto: yeah, i kinda forgot about that.

Orochimaru: now stand still Sasuke, you will only be in searing pain for a few hours. Sasuke?

He ran off after Orochimaru said 3 years.

Sasuke: gunna kill you Itachi.

Itachi: atleast let me put on pants.

Sasuke: NEVER!

Kisame: why were we in speedos anyway

Itachi: fangirls who read this story

Kisame: oh...I have fangirls?

Itachi: no, everyone just thinks your gay for me.

Kisame: I see...

Sasuke: RAGGLE FRAGGLE!

Itachi: he seems kinda ticked

Kisame: yeah, -pant- he does.

Itachi: sure wish we knew some kind of super powerful jutsu, or perhaps had a sword that got rid of chakra.

Kisame: if only.

Itachi: huh? what'd that sign say?

Kisame: something about holes?

Sasuke was charging up his chirdori

Itachi: when'd he learn that?

Kisame: -le gasp- me sword is gone! quick Itachi, use your-WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR EYES ITACHI!?

Itachi: i wish i knew.

Sasuke: watch out for the cliff.

Kisame/blind Itachi: cliff?

while they were off guard Sasuke Chidori'd them right off the cliff.

Itachi: CURSE YOU NEWTON AND ALL YOUR PHYSICS!!

Sasuke: I DONT THINK HE'S IN THIS ERA!

Itachi: OH, WELL THEN I JUST KINDA SCREWED UP THE TIMEFLOW THEN...

Sasuke: WAY TO GO!!

then, Itachi hit the bottom.

Sasuke: he...he's dead.

Orochimaru: -pant pant pant- Sas-uke, come here.

Sasuke: heh heh heh...

So Sasuke also killed him.

--back with sasuke and naruto--

Naruto: so, what'd the sign say?

Sasuke: CAUTION: plot hole ahead

Naruto: oh

Sasuke: yeah, weird

Naruto: that explains how you beat both Itachi and Orochimaru...

Sasuke: what? like i couldnt do that normally

Naruto: well...oh no! sakura!

Sasuke: what?!

he jumped into the shadows.

Naruto: heh...pansy

Sasuke: you just startled me

Naruto: oh, well then let's go to my place, ill invite her over.

Sasuke: uh...I have a mansion

Naruto: no, it burned down

Sasuke: WHAT!

Naruto: yeah, there was a terrible fire, from...unknown origins, that destroyed your house.

Sarafina: hm...I thought it was because you were practicing fire jutsu.

Naruto: w-who t-t-told you th-that?

Sarafina: The...author

Naruto: oh, I see...you're just as crazy as Gaara.

Sarafina: what?

Naruto: yeah, he's talking about a fourth wall and we're just puppets of another world's sick imagination, blah...blah...blah...

Sarafina: hm...id better destroy Gaara, wait. no. talk to him...

and she ran off.

Naruto: anyway...follow me

--Naruto's house--

Naruto: yes, hello Sakura, i have big suprise for you over at my house. no its not new type of ramen this time. oh, i wish it was that again. no, just come over, and bring Kakashi.

Sasuke: whyd you tell her to come here...she's gunna kill me for leaving.

Naruto: yeah, that's why the camera is focused on you, and your movements.

-Sakura's house-

Sakura: hello? is this Naruto again? what now? new ramen?...you're not naked with a bow tied around your waist again, right?? well then what is it, tell me now! wait why -click-

Dial tone.

Sakura: I cant believe him. just hanging up on me like that! im gunna go over there and kick his ass!

So she went out onto the streets, only to get lost.

Sakura: where..where am I...huh? liqour store? drug store? liqour store, liqour store, strip club, complex, drug store, Sally's monogramed socks!?

Kakashi: Sakura, what are you doing in the bad neighborhood of Konoha?

Sakura: Konoha has a bad...where's Naruto's house?

Kakashi: follow me.

Kakashi poofed away.

Sakura:...what made him think I could follow his poof?

A gang of people snapping unison and preparing for song and dance.

Sakura: fan...tastic

-Naruto's house-

Naruto: wonder what's taking her so long

Sasuke: untie me please

Naruto: no. not until sakura gets here.

Sasuke: c'mon

Kakashi suddenly poofed in front of Sasuke, facing Naruto.

Kakashi: alright, whats the emergency? me and Sakura had to poof here all the way from the bad neighborhood.

Naruto: bad neighborhood? and...1.Sakura cant poof with you. and 2. -points behind kakashi-

Kakashi: HOLY CRAP YOU DID IT NARUTO!

he yelled, pointing at Sasuke with a suprised look on his eye.

--end--

-le gasp- another cliff hanger! am i going crazy this week or what?

Sarafina: Hi evry1! I'm wewacian's new beta reader! Nice 2 meet u! in the other chap about the prom - i wanted to say that i normally act like that when i'm sugar high! (i'm a dork- DEAL WITH IT!) ttys! 


	18. even later that same day

well...I was kind of suprised, but today when I was looking at stats, i found something shocking...1000 hits!!! im glad so many of you like my story, but you could review a little more.

--bad neighborhood.--

Sakura: This place freaks me out...

she looked to her left.

Sakura: a...book store? I must be near the good side! Ive never even heard of most of these books.

Then she noticed Kakashi's book.

Sakura:...Oh, that explains the rest of the titles. OH GOD I WAS TOUCHING THE GLASS OF A NAUGHTY BOOK STORE! BAAATTHHHROOOMMM!

She desperately wanted to wash her hands. But when she saw the bathroom, she knew that it wouldnt do any good to use the murky black water.

Sakura: CLLEEEEAAAAAN BAAAATTTTHHHHROOOOMMM!!

--Naruto's house--

Naruto: did what?

Kakashi: CAUGHT SASUKE!!

Naruto: oh, he came back on his own.

Kakashi: why?

Naruto: I dont know, i wasnt paying attention, and it was all in flashback.

Kakashi: and you couldnt see it?

Naruto: no...since when can people see other people's flashbacks?

Kakashi: since forever

Sasuke: yeah, what are you retarded?

Naruto: shut up sasuke, or ill smack the black off ya.

Sasuke: uh...im not black

Naruto: then ill kick your ass until you're black, then smack it off ya.

Sasuke: pfft

Kakashi: can we get back to the fact that you have captured Sasuke.

Naruto/Sasuke: SHUT UP!

Kakashi: shouldn't we be telling the Hokage so he can get back to being part of our village?

Naruto: not until Sakura gets here.

Kakashi: why are we waiting for Sakura.

Sasuke: yeah, ive been wondering myself.

Naruto: because I know exactly how she's going to react, and I want to be here for that.

--meanwhile in an empty warehouse on the edge of town--

Sarafina: Hi Gaara!

Gaara: come to mock me...like the others...

Sarafina: no, i believe you.

Gaara glared at her and threw his whiskey bottle at her.

Sarafina: where'd you get a whiskey bottle?

Gaara: its what was left in this warehouse.

Sarafina: oh, well I think we should rise up against the author...take back our lives

Gaara: there's no way to, just ask Kankuro.

Sarafina: Kankuro?

Gaara: puppet guy.

Sarafina: oh, well where is he.

Gaara: the Asylum

and she rushed off, and left Gaara to his thoughts.

--Sakura's current location--

Sakura: There's got to be a way out of here.

random and unimportant to the plot man #7: you havent gotten out because all you've done is walk up and down this road. I mean if you turned a corner you would see a sign telling you which way to go, dumbass.

Sakura: oh, thanks.

--Naruto's house--

Sasuke:...and that's how to live forever

Naruto: oh, I see...

Kakashi: so simple even a non-ninja could do it.

Naruto: there are non-ninjas?

Kakashi: I assume

Sasuke: yeah, and if you want to stop ageing there's a drink that you can make with common household items, and it can be made into a cake, or Ramen.

Naruto: oh, let's hear it.

Sasuke: Well all you need is some flour, sugar, milk, 3 oranges, add a drop of your own blood, and of course...

Naruto: wait, blood?

Sasuke: yeah, just a drop will do, or you know you could breathe on it, now this is the most crucial part now, you add some

Sakura burst the door making such a clatter that Sasuke's last word was muffled.

Naruto: what was that last part Sasuke?

Sasuke: well, like I was saying, it's a crucial part. all it takes-GAH!

Sakura tackle/hugged him into the wall.

Sasuke: OW! OW!! STOP SAKURA! OH GOD, MY SPINE!!

Naruto: I expected more violence

Sasuke: so did I, STOP YOU'RE GUNNA SNAP MY SPINE!!

Sakura: that's the goal here, give you a hug for returning, but break you spine for leaving.

Sasuke: That kind of creates a paradox

Naruto: yeah, like saying the only way out is not want to leave.

Kakashi: exactly, now if you'll excuse ive got to get to an asylum.

Sakura: why?

Kakashi: im compelled to.

Sasuke: whatever WOULD YOU LET GO ALREADY!!!

--Asylum--

Sara: puppet guy!! are you in here!?

she was looking in each room

Sara: puppet guy who looks like a cat!? where are you!!!?

Kankuro: can I help you?

Sara: AAAAAAUUUUUGGGGHHHHHH!!! YOUVE ESCAPED!!

She broke a glass case, and hit Kankuro with a fire extenguisher.

crazy guy in leprechaun suit: what did you do to my nurse!!

Sara: uh...nurse?

crazy guy: yeah, he was supposed to help me make magic oats.

Sara: magic oats?

crazy woman: dont mind him, he calls everything magic oats except cat man, whom he calls nurse.

Sara: you dont seem crazy

crazy woman: haha, well that's because im the distraction

Sara: distraction?

clank.

crazy woman: GET HER MISTER CHIPS!!

Sara: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeee?...why am I not attacked?

Kankuro: because she sees an imaginary monkey who attacks people.

Sara: oh...sorry about hitting you

Kankuro: its ok, i guess

Sara: nice scarf

Kankuro: what? oh...this thing(see sand ninja chap for reference)

Sara: yeah, hehe, why are you wearing that?

Kankuro: Author made me wear it a long time ago.

Sarafina: and then just forgot to let you take it off?

Kankuro: no, it was punishment.

Sarafina: oh, right. well I think we should rise against the author

Kankuro: good luck.

Sarafina: no, all of us.

Kankuro: Im not gunna end up with something more embarassing that this scarf for the rest of my life because you want to overthrow the author.

--Naruto's house--

Sasuke: thanks for healing my spine Sakura

Sakura: thanks, it was part of my training

Sasuke: really? I bet you can fight really well now.

Sakura: actually it was just medical training, im still a wuss.

Naruto: yeah, she's still pretty useless

Kakashi: dont act like you already knew

--meanwhile---

Hinata woke up in a haze

Hinata: hmm? Naruto?

She glanced around.

Hinata:...there's no Naruto here...AGAIN! no..MY DIARY!! NONONONONONONONONNONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO!!!

Neji: what's with all the yelling?

Hinata: n-nothing

Neji: then why were you yelling?

Hinata: um...angst

Neji: k, then I'll just...back away and act like I didnt hear anything.

Hinata: That would be best.

But neji was already backed away.

Hinabi: I heard you had some angst issues from your cousin.

Hinata: that fast?

Hinabi: yes, ill expect you downstairs in 5 minutes for your lecture.

Hinata: lecture?

Hinabi: yes, i've talked it over with your mother and Neji's mother and they've agreed to bring the family together for your anger problem.

Hinata: but...he...it..Naruto...

Hinabi: oh, yes we'll talk about your sick obsession with that boy as well.

Hinata: its not an obsession.

Hinabi: Hinata...you sleep in his jumpsuit.

Hinata: everyone sleeps like that.

Hinabi: come on, its been five minutes we need to get to that lecture.

Hinata: wha?

Hinabi then dragged her down the stairs to the lecture with both sides of the family.

--elsewhere--

Sarafina: well?

Kankuro: fine, so you got me to meet with Gaara and assemble others who have been embarassed by the author.

Zabuza: -sobs- oragami...WHY!!

Haku: I was actually ok with what happened.

Hinata: I had to sit through an angst and stalking lecture!

Itachi: I was in a speedo...

Haku: do you have pictures of that?

Orochimaru: he called me a pedofile

everyone else: uh...you arent?

Orochimaru: no...

Sasuke: that's suprising

Kabuto: yeah

Obito: indeed

Kakashi: wait...what'd he do to you?

Otibo: oh, it happens next chapter

Gai: well come back then.

Gaara: yeah, jerk.

---end---

wonder what'll happen next chapter. better leave reviews. perhaps with ideas.

Sarafina: I didnt send it back fast enough so blame me if there's spelling mistakes 


	19. still later

i think you know by now what i dont own.

--previously--

there was a lecture, and mentions of taking down the author.

--back to Sasuke--

Sasuke: hi Kakashi, can you untie me?

Kakashi: uh...

Sasuke: and let me back on the team

Kakashi: actually...this is kind of embarassing, but after all these years we've kinda...replaced you.

Sasuke: with whom? may i ask?

Sai: Kakashi! you're out of pancake batter

Kakashi: How do you keep getting through the locks and seals!

Sai: I'm the annoying guy

Kakashi: yeah, that kinda makse sense i guess.

Sasuke: dont change the subject Kakashi, who's the guy who replaced me?

Kakashi: It was...him

Sasuke:...you gotta be f---ing kidding me.

Sai: oooh, someone's gotta potty mouth

Naruto: Sai, you're off the team

Sai: what!? why?!

Naruto: cause Sasuke's back

Sai: who's Sasuke?

Sasuke: I am

Sai: that duck butt?

Naruto: duck butt?

Sai: yeah, his hair looks like a duck butt

Kakashi: you know, it kinda does.

Sasuke: no it doesn't

Naruto: wait a second everybody!

everyone: what? why?

Naruto: we haven't had a flashback atleast every two chapters. we're way behind out quota.

Sasuke: he has a point

Kakashi: so who has a flashback?

Sai: I do

Kakashi: you're not on our team or on the brink of death YOU DONT GET A FLASHBACK!!

Sasuke: I have a better one.

--Sasuke's flashback--

Sai's voice: wait how do you know yours is better

Sasuke: stay out of my flashback

This particular flashback takes place in a therapists office.

Orochimaru: ok Sasuke. I've brought Itachi here so you two can talk about your feelings.

Sasuke: well i'm feeling a bit of hate right now

Orochimaru: very good share Sasuke, now you Itachi

Itachi: hazaflish

Oro: ok, we'll just wait for the elephant tranquilizers to ware off.

Sasuke: how long will that take

3 hours later

Itachi: WHERE AM I!? WHO ARE YOU!? WHERE'S MR.BIGGLESWORTH!? hi Sasuke. WHAT'S GOING ON HERE!!?!?!

Sasuke: uh...Orochimaru wanted to give us family therapy.

Itachi: I see...so this is where you ended up after you left the Akatsuki? therapy?

Orochimaru: no, actually I own my own country and have a squad of demon assasing and Kabuto working for me.

Itachi: well atleast you aren't a pedofile like alot of the Akatsuki are saying you are. right?

Orochimaru: so, are you happy with where you are Sasuke

Sasuke: no really, I thought I'd be somewhere else. like my childhood ambition.

Orochimaru: like what?

Sasuke: well, I like animals. maybe being a vet.

Itachi: an evil vet?

Sasuke: no, maybe like work in a petting zoo.

Itachi: an evil petting zoo?

Sasuke: YOU ALWAYS DO THAT!  
Itachi: do what?

Sasuke: try and make me evil! im not like you!

Orochimaru: then why did come with me

Itachi: and vow to kill me

Sasuke: I also wanted to restore the Uchiha clan.

Itachi: why...what happened to them?

Sasuke: you...killed them...that's why im trying to kill you...

Itachi: he needs to lay off the crack, right Orochimaru?

Orochimaru: no, actually i was planning on stealing your body that night and I saw that.

Itachi: no I didnt.

Sasuke: yeah, you did, then you threw a kunai at me.

Itachi: no, i killed some blurs that were invading out house.

Sasuke: blurs?

Itachi: yeah...here watch this flashback

--Itachi's flashback at the ANBU headquarters--

Itachi: no, no more sake please.

ANBU Kakashi: c'mooooooon, just a few more. I'll drink some with you.

Itachi: why?

ANBU Kakashi: DON'T QUESTION ME!

random ANBU: oh my gosh! Itachi just challenged Kakashi to a drinking contest!

Itachi: what? no I-

Kakashi: ITS ON BITCH!

After 63 shots, Kakashi passed out and Itachi stumbled home, victor.

Itachi: sush on that Kakachi!

he fell through the doorway to see some blurs in his parents room

Itachi: who the...robbing sons of bitches!

Sasuke's dad: what's he talking about?

Sasuke: I d-

A kunai hit her.

Itachi's dad: you're grounded mister!

Itachi killed him as well.

Itachi: you there...short blue blur, tso gert it kill ya friend.

Sasuke: the mangeyko sharingan?

Itahchi: WHOOOOOOOOSH!!

he jumped out the window and ran into a literally blue man.

--end Itachi's flashback--

Orochimaru: that...kind of proved it more

Sasuke: yeah.

Itachi: well...there's something I never told you brother...and it's the one thing that will make you stop obsessing over killing me, an its th-

Naruto: how can you see each other's flashbacks?

Sasuke: well...uh...SUCKERPUNCH!

--reality--

Naruto: oww! Sasuke!

Sasuke: why did you have to interupt the part of my flashback that made me stop being what I was?!

Kakashi: yeah, I was kind of curious about that

Naruto: I wasn't that interested. and it was getting kind of serious.

Sasuke: yeah, way to serious for what's been happening lately before those 2 and 1/2 years that are a haze.

Naruto: whatever, just go back to your mansion

Sasuke: but...I dont like it there

Naruto: why not?

Sasuke: my parent's chalk outlines are still there

Naruto:...pansy

Sasuke: sigh...sometimes...its just like...it's crawling in my skin...and these wounds, they will not heal and fear is how I fall. I'm confusing what is real there's

something inside me that pulls beneath the surface consuming this lack of self-control I fear is never ending controlling I can't seem to find myself again

my walls are closing in.I've felt this way before,so insecure!!!

Naruto: this is wrong on so many levels...I mean how often does someone break into...dance...crap, musical

Kakashi: I want chiken, i want liv-

Naruto: DONT EVEN F---ING GO THERE!!

Kakashi: meow mix meow mix please deliver

Naruto:...hate you so much

---elsewhere---

Deidara: Hi Obito

Obito: hey

Deidara: im kinda bored, how about you?

Obito: pretty much the same

Deidara: perhaps we should go somewhere and be alone

Obito: perhaps -winkwink-

Deidara: like...deep in woods...or...my bedroom

Obito: yeah, that sounds fine...let me just take off my cloak, to show you my incredibly revealing hot pants.

Deidara: yeah, and then I could rub coco butter all over you.

Obito: why?

Deidara: why not?

Obito: fine...but only if I get to massage all of your sore parts.

Deidara: alright...i guess

and they started walking towards Deidara's Harem.

Deidara: Obito watch out!

Obito: for what?

Deidara: that cat

Obito: oh, good thing to. that's leader-sama's cat

Deidara: that explains the akatsuki outfit and non descript features.

Obito: holy crap my shin!

Deidara: what is it?

Obito: ant bite...looks like we'll have to cancel our plans.

Deidara: over an ant bite?

Obito:...yeah

Deidara: well it does kind of look barely there...

Obito: I think i'll just go to a meeting now

Deidara: for what?

Obito: something about...something...i dont know, they kicked me out last time.

Deidara: well, see ya.

Obito: mhmm

Obito's thoughts: Deidara was acting kind of gay...

Deidara: oh, and be back in time for the orgy

Obito: yeah, yeah, every Saturday, I know.

--Old man Hyuuga's place--

Hinabi: Hinata, we're here to talk about you're rage problem

Hinata: but...I dont have an anger problem

Hinabi: yes, you do

Hinata: b-but that was-

Neji: -sniffle- sometimes...she comes in my room at night...and beats me -sobs-

Hinata: what? I dont-

Hinabi: that's disturbing Hinata

Neji: -sniff-

Hinata: I never actu-

Neji: and when i'm training she laughs at me!

Hinabi: now, Hinata...weknowyouhavearageproblemandthere'snotimeforyoutogetintothisconversationswowe'lltalkonthisatalaterdate!

Hinata: but...

Hinabi: now about that Naruto thing

Hinata: It's not like i'm sta-

Neji: I see her up in the trees some times watching him...in one of his old jumpsuits.

Hinata: wha-I didn-I-I-I...it was

Hinabi: I dont have time for your filthy lies!

Hinata: but!

Hinabi: now,now, I've been reading your diary and I've seen what you wrote about him

Hinata: YOU READ MY DIARY!!!!!!?!!!!!!!!!

Hinabi: yeah, but because I-

Hinata: RRAAAAUUUUGHHH!!!!

Hinabi: dont mess up my hair!!!

but it was too late...

----elsewhere---

Kankuro: ok...what am I doing again?

Director: just read from the prompter, and try not to stare at the camera this time.

Kakuro: ok,ok...

Director: and...go

Kankuro: I want chicken, I want liver, meow mix, meow...mix...please...OH, HELL NO!

he kicked over the prompter and walked out of the studio.

---sneak preview---

Kurenai:...there's only one way to settle this

she took out a kunai

Tsunade: got that right...

random women: has to be settled once and for all...through the only logical way

Kurenai: damn right...

Tsunade: WET T-SHIRT CONTEST AT KAKASHI'S HOUSE!

Kakashi: -sigh- again?

Kurenai: sorry about this Kakashi, we swear this is the last one.

Tsunade: yeah, so go get the hose and we'll meet you there.

Kakashi: fine...I guess

---end---

Kankuro part was kind of random, then again most of my stories are.

Sarafina unfortunately had no comment 


	20. suprise ending

Bleh

---previously--

Kankuro: i want chicken, I want liver, meow mix, meow mix, please deliver

--back to the plot-ish thing---

Naruto: I sure wish I knew what Orochimaru was doing

Kakashi: so do I...

Sakura: yeah, if only there was some kind of way to see...without moving from this general area

Sasuke: yep...

Sai: Hey, I know we could go t-

Kakashi: GOD DAMN IT SAI!! YOU'RE OFF THE TEAM!! GET THE F--K OUT OF HERE RIGHT F--KING NOW!! BEFORE I HAVE TO RIP OUT YOUR-----------------AND------------TUBESOCK-  
WITH A SALMON!!

Sai: -whisper- what's a tubesock?

Naruto: -whisper- I dont know...

Sakura: do you guys have the new nispe?

Sasuke: -whisper- how is the relevant to the current situation

Sakura: -whisper- Im not entirely certain

Gaara: -whisper- I like to whisper to

Sakura: -whisper- when did you get here?

Gaara: -whisper- this my house

Sasuke:-whisper-...is it?

Naruto: -whisper- I cant remember, it's been like a week or two since we established our current place of residence

Gai: SHUT THE HELL UP! IM TRYING TO DO NAKED YOGA OVER HERE!!!

He yelled, banging on the wall, because appearently he lives next to wherever they are.

Gaara: -whisper- that's disturbing .  
Temari: -whisper- yeah, very.

Naruto: -whisper- oh, you're here, we must be at your house Gaara!

Gaara: -whisper- we don't live together.

Naruto: -whisper- really? aren't you related or something?

Gaara: -whisper- that hasn't been stated yet, though it is a possibility, I highly doubt that we would be on a team together.

Sasuke: -whisper- I thought you were on the same team because you were the only ones he wouldn't kill.

Gaara: -whisper- I don't think I kill anymore.

Naruto: -whisper- really? than let me go get something

he wandered off into a room

Gaara: -whisper- where's he going?

Sasuke: -whisper- how should I know?

Kakashi: WOULD YOU STOP WHISPERING!! ENOUGH OF THIS NONSENSE!!!

Sakura: fine, whatever

Naruto: -whisper- Im back, Gaara look at this picture I drew

Gaara: we stopped whispering.

Naruto: finally.

Gaara looked down at the picture, which had him dressed as a racoon rummaging through garbage.

Temari: -snicker-

Gaara: shut up...

Sakura: -restraining laughter-

Gaara: stop

Sasuke: meh

Kakashi: do you have others?

Naruto: yeah, one of everyone

Gaara: RAGGLE FRAGGLE!

He attacked Naruto in a blind rage, with sand tentacle things destroying everything withing a 15 ft radius.

Naruto: AAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! MY SPINE!!!!

Sasuke: where are the other ones?

Naruto: OH GOD THE PAIN!!! MY KNEE DOESNT BEND LIKE THAT!!!!! WHY GOD!  
-down the hallway and second door on the left -

Sasuke: k

Several hours of Naruto getting chased and beaten later...

Orochimaru: man, do I have a tale to tell

Sasuke: please do...

----what Orochimaru was doing---

Orochimaru: Hii guys I'm back!

Itachi: didn't we...kick you out?

Orochimaru: yeah, well...this story has so many plot holes, everyone stopped caring.

Itachi: you have a point...I dont even remember the original plot...

Orochimaru: yeah, and what's with the name of the story?

Itachi: yeah, hardly even about him

Zetsu: well the first few were...I think.

Orochimaru: yeah, me to.

Deidara: I'm Deidara! un.

Tobi: we know! gaw!

Deidara: you seem rather out of character...un.

Tobi: you're one to talk!

Deidara: I guess...

Leader: hey, what's going on in here? somethin crazy?

Everyone else: no leader-sama...

Leader: Is that Orochimaru? has he come to join again?

Everyone else(cept Oro): yes leader-sama...hey! wait! initiations!

Leader: oh yeah! quick grab his limbs!

Orochimaru: what!? nooooooooooooooo!!!

They dragged him into a blank room, and tied him to a chair.

Orochimaru: -voice cracking- c'mon...do we have to do this again?!

Speaker: yes.

Orochimaru: it...it...wont be like last time...will it?

speaker: well, as you know...initiations are voted in as what should be done...

Orochimaru: and?

Speaker: we saved the slide show from last time.

Orochimaru: -sob- no...

Suddenly, a small hole opened up in the wall, and images of Jiraiya- nude- were projected on in front of Orochimaru.

Orochimaru: NO!!!!! NO!!!!!!NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAUUGHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY WONT MY EYES CLOSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Speaker: -laughter-

--10 hours later--

Speaker: well...time's up.

Orochimaru: thank god...let me out!

Speaker: Deidara, go get him.

Speaker: hell no!

Speaker: why not?

Speaker: the slideshow isnt off yet

Speaker: so shut it off!

Speaker: we cant!

Speaker: break it then!

Speaker: fine!

Speaker:...glad to see you're on top of things

Speaker: oh...good...you got out...

Speaker: -hissing noises-

Speaker: NOOOO!!! STOP OROCHIMARU!! WE'RE SORRY!

Speaker: -crashing and hissing-

Speaker: OH GOD! WHY WONT THE DOOR OPEN!!! MY INTESTINES!! OROCHIMARU!!! WHY!!!

--later--

Orochimaru: I bet I'm more evil than you.

Itachi: you aren't...

Orochimaru:...didn't you see what I did in the projection room?

Itachi: yeah? so? i killed my own family, for power.

Orochimaru: I took over my own country.

Itachi: I mentally scarred my own brother and constantly torment him!

Orochimaru: I kidnapped your brother tried to destroy Konoha!

Itachi: Im in an evil organization bent on harnessing the powers of demons to take over the world or something!

Orochimaru: same here!

Itachi:...do you like puppies?

Orochimaru: what's that got to do with- ?

Itachi: answer.

Orochimaru: well...yeah.

Itachi: I kick them!

Orochimaru: NO!

Itachi: and that muffin you're eating...

Orochimaru: y-yes...

Itachi: I dropped it in the toilet!!

Orochimaru: YOU'RE THE DEVIL!!!

Itachi: -gasp!- That's it! Super Akatsuki, ASSEMBLE!

Orochimaru: oh god...not the battle cry/summoning.

Zetsu: Earth!

Itachi: Fire!

Deidara: Wind!

Kisame: Water!

Sasori: Heart! ...wait why do I get heart? shouldn't this be Tobi?

Itachi: way to ruin it, jerk!

Sasori: fine, let's do it again.

Zetsu: Earth!

Itachi: fire!

Deidara: wind!

Kisame: water!

Sasori: Heart!

Everyone: AKATSUKI GO!!

Suddenly, an explosion in the sky.

Leader: yeah? what'd you want.

Itachi: um...Orochimaru wanted to see if it still worked.

Orochimaru: pfft, that's what your mom said.

Itachi: that doesnt make any sense.Orochimaru: neither does your face.

Itachi: your acting like a child.

Orochimaru: well it takes two to tango.

Itachi: what's that even mean?

Orochimaru: what does your face even mean.

Itachi: what does YOUR face even mean?!

Orochimaru: -gasp-...meanie face -sob and run away-

Leader: you sicken me Itachi!

Deidara: yeah! pickin on the new guy, i think ill paint your face tonight...un.

Zetsu: an-

Itachi: you try anything and ill get the fire and weedwacker out!

Zetsu: sigh...

--reality--

Orochimaru: and then I came here...and started telling you a story...one that started something like...

--flashback--

Orochimaru: Hii guys im back!

Itachi: didn't we...kick you out?

Orochimaru: yeah, well...this story has so many plot holes everyone stopped caring.

Itachi: you have a point...I dont even remember the original plot...

Orochimaru: yeah, and what's with the name of the story?

Itachi: yeah, hardly even about him.

Zetsu: well the first few were...I think.

Orochimaru: yeah, me to.

Deidara: I'm Deidara! un.

Tobi: we know!gaw!

Deidara: you seem rather out of character...un.

Naruto: didnt we already hear about this.

Orochimaru: shh! im trying to tell a story.

Naruto: we already heard it though.

Orochimaru: your face already heard it.

Naruto: that's the stupidest thing i've ever heard.

Orochimaru: well it takes two to tango.

Naruto: kick in the balls no jutsu!

Orochimaru: AAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kakashi: nice.

Naruto: yes, I know.

-and they high fived...twas a merry old time for all!!!!

Orochimaru: oh...and before I forget...

-caution spoiler-

Naruto: please..do tell.

Orochimaru: yoink!

-and he ran off with Naruto to get the demon fox out of him...killing him in the process.

Sasuke: that was...kind of an anticlimactic ending.

Kakashi: yeah, really...and whatever happened to that...rebellion or whatever.

Sasuke: Im not entirely certain...

Kakashi: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...want to hit the clubs.

Sasuke: ONLY ALWAYS!

-and they danced the night away...

---end...for real----

it's over now...with 17 plot holes, and no plot...it's called a paradox

Sarafina: NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!  
IT CAN'T BE THE LAST CHAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Im just like the rest of you; I want the author to continue. dramatically sad I'll see you later- hiks then cries waterfalls Bye.sniff, sniff I'll just go now. And 4 real.  
-Sarafina 


	21. suprise chapter

bet you tought I was actually done...well to keep this a COMPLETE suprise...it wasnt beta-read(sorry sara)

and and uh...dont own anything in this

and uh...possible innuendo...

--------the ultimate showdown------

Naruto:...is it just me or has nothing crazy been happening lately...

Sasuke: yeah, ive noticed that to, it's weird..

Kakashi: werent you stolen last chapter Naruto?

Naruto: yeah, so?

Kakashi: well...how are you back?

Naruto:...wait you're thinking of the anime when there's a plot

Kakashi: oh...right...sorry...anyway we just got a mission to go retrieve something...out in the woods...

Naruto: what are we getting?

Kakashi: hell if I know...

Naruto: how will we know when we see it

Kakashi: we'll just look for rival ninja(s) who want it to

Naruto: oh, alright..

---in the woods---

Naruto: is that it?

Kakashi: that's a cat...

Naruto: what about that?

Kakashi: tree

Naruto: what about that, over there!

Kakashi: that's the same cat as before

Naruto: what about this?!?

Kakashi: that's poison ivy, put that down.

Naruto: OW! SKUNK ATTACK!

Kakashi: how does a skunk attack hurt...stop playing around Naruto

Sasuke: idiot...

Naruto: yeah, Kakashi

Sasuke: everyone knows that skunks are the deadliest of sea-land prey

Kakashi: sea-land prey?

Sasuke: yeah...duh

Kakashi: k...

enemy ninja: IM REVEALING MY PRESENCE TO MOVE THE PLOT ALONG AND RUN DIRECTLY TO THE OBJECT IN WHICH YOU SEEK!HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA

Kakashi: convienient...

Naruto: as always

Sasuke: shouldnt we follow him?

Kakashi: what and miss the unimportant side character who's life and or attitude Naruto changes by beating the crap out of someone?

Sasuke:...yeah, i hate those guys..

Naruto: so do i, let's go

they then ran off after the enemy ninja

unimportant side character: hello? any ninjas around to help me?

unimportant ninja drone: HAAHAHAHAHAHAH! -murder-

unimportant side character: CURSE YOU NNJAS FOR NOT BEING COVIENTLY ON THE EXACT ROAD I CROSS AT THE EXACT POINT!

unimportant ninja drone: like that ever happens...

unimportant side character: shouldnt you get to murdering..im tired of your constant blather

--at the object--

Naruto: is that it?

Kakashi: cat again

Sasuke: is it that large tooth shaped object that's glowing?

Naruto: nah..too obvious...THERE IT IS!

Kakashi: GOD DAMNIT NARUTO WHY DO KEEP BRINGING THAT CAT WITH YOU JUST SO YOU CAN POINT AT IT!!?!??!?!

Naruto: Im not sure...

Sasuke: while you busy talking about stupid stuff ill just check out that object...k?

Kakashi: whatever...

near the object Sasuke runs into some deadly ninjas

Sasuke: why do you want this thing?

enemy ninja: we want this tooth but first let me tell you it's history...you see, long ago there was a large fox demon and a great battle took place here...but unbenounced to the people who fought this demon, a tooth fell out retaining some of it's chakra...and we want it as to fuel out death machine which we will use to destroy all of Konoha and sell the village to a pale guy who wanted this village for some crazy reason, possibly world domination but then again what do I know...im just a humble farmer's boy gone awry because some rogue vikings attacked my fathers farm and stole me because of my amazing bloodline trait to create deathmachines that run on chakra of sorts but then after they found out noone was willing to give up their chakra for a deathmachine they discarded meand I was looking for alternate froms of fuel for this when I heard about this tooth and rushed here to use it.

Sasuke: -chidori's deathmachine-

enemy ninja: aw...

Orochimaru: KIDNEY SHOT! -kicks enemy ninja in the kidneys-

Sasuke:why do you want this thing?

Orochimaru: I want this tooth for a specific reason but first let me tell you of it's history...

Sasuke: last guy already did it

Orochimaru: oh...are..are you sure you dont want to hear it again

Sasuke: yeah, im sure

Naruto: -in the distance- is that it?

Kakashi: -also in the distance- GOD DAMNIT STOP WITH THE CAT JOKE! IT'S OLD!

Orochimaru: well then...YOINK! -runs off with tooth-

Sasuke: GET BACK HERE! COME ON KAKASHI AND NARUTO HE'S GETTING AWAY!

Kakashi: WE'RE ALREADY CHASING HIM!

Sasuke: sure, NOW they rush into action

--after the boring chase and random encounters---

Kakashi: it seems you've reached the end of this area...

Orochimaru: so it seems...-hand signs-

Kakashi: GET DOWN NARUTO AND SASUKE!

Orochimaru: -steals kakashi's body-

Naruto: NO!

Sasuke: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Naruto: hurry get the tooth from the corpse!

Sasuke: ok -runs to get tooth-

Naruto: just you and me now Orochimaru...

Orochimaru: yes...

Naruto: -shoves-

Orochimaru: -shoves back-

Naruto: wuss...-shoves harder-

Orochimaru: -slaps-

Naruto: -sissy slaps-

Orochimaru: ow! ow! stop it! stop!

Naruto: -resangan-

Orochimaru: -knocked out-

Naruto: bitchin!

Sasuke: I got it! i can already feel the power...

Naruto:l-let me hold it for awhile...

Sasuke: no..

Naruto: just...-grabs onto it- LET GO!

Sasuke: NEVER! -pulls back-

after a few minutes of this the tooth broke in two

Naruto: NO! STOP NOT GLOWING TOOTH! I NEED YOUR POWER TO BECOME THE HOKAGE!

Sasuke:NO! I NEED IT TO KILL ITACHI!

Orochimaru: why...why are you yelling? -rubs head-

Naruto: our dreams will never be realized!

Sasuke: NEVER -sobs- because we wont be fueled by demons...-sobs-

Orochimaru: cmon guys...stand up and stop crying...

Naruto: Sasuke was crying

Sasuke: n-no I wasnt...

Orochimaru: cmon guys...some demonic tooth wont help you realize your dreams...because demons arent in teeth...they're inside all of us...here...in your hearts.  
-taps both their chests-...they're what makes you...not want to train to gain power...learn new jutsus...or even tell the truth...they're what makes us want to party...and spend all night stealing...they're that little voice...way back in your mind that says.."kill that fudger" to all the people you know...

Naruto: -sniff-

Orochimaru: now, you can stay here and cry and whine on the ground...like babies...or go realize your dreams..together...

Sasuke: you're right Orochimaru!

Naruto: let's go Sasuke!

Orochimaru: -chuckles- those crazy kids...-picks up halves of tooth- I know just what to do with these...-walks over to cliff edge...

NarutO: hey, wait he's the bad guy, let's kick his ass

Sasuke: you're right

Orochimaru: -embeds halves in body-

Naruto: hey...where...-notices Orochimaru transforming into kyuubi-like state-

Orochimaru: RRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH I AM COMPLEEETE!

Naruto and Sasuke: shiiiiiiit!

Orochimaru: yes you are fked! shit out of luck! now im complete and my shoe you will suck! THIS WORLD WILL BE MINE! AND YOU'RE FIRST IN LINE! you brought me the tooth and YOU.SHALL.BOTH.DIE!!!!

Naruto: wait! wait! waiiiit! you shoe sucker! we challenge you to a rock off!

Sasuke: give us one chance to rock your socks off!

Orochimaru: DAMN! CRAP! F!! -pulls out parchment- THE VILLAINS CODE PREVENTS ME, FROM DECLINING A ROCK OFF CHALLENGE! WHAT ARE YOUR TERMS...WHAT'S THE CATCH...

Naruto: if we win...you must take your sorry ass back to hell! and also you will have to pay our rent...-gestures to sasuke then himself-

Orochimaru: AND WHAT IF I WIN?

Naruto: then you can take Sasuke back to your lair...

Sasuke: WHAT!

Naruto: trust me Sasuke..it's the only way...to be your little bitch

Orochimaru: FINE! LET THE ROCK OFF BEGIN! -creates arena and instruments-

Naruto: oh shit...

Orochimaru's song...written by someone else...

I'm the villain i love metal!  
Check this riff it's fing tasty I'm the villain i can do what i want,  
whatever i got I'm gonna flaunt,  
there's never been a rock off that I've ever lost i cant wait to take him back to hell I'm gonna fill him with my hot demon gel I'll make him squeal like my scarlet pimpernel

Orochimaru: -making innapropriate gestures-

Sasuke: -horrified-

Naruto:NOOOO! cmon Sasuke...let's fight his music...with OUR music..

Sasuke: there's just no way that we can win...that was a masterpiece..

Naruto: listen to me...

Sasuke: he rocks to hard because he's no mortal man!

Naruto: GOD DAMNIT SASUKE! he gunna make you his sex slave...you gunna gargle mayonaise..

Sasuke: GOD NO!

Naruto: unless we bust a massive monster mammajam!

Sasuke: we've been thru so much crap...

Naruto: deactivated lazers with my cap

both: now it's time to blow this sucker down...

Naruto: cmon sasuke, now it's time to blow doors down!

Sasuke: I hear you man, now it's time to blow doors down!

Naruto: LIGHT UP THE STAGE! cause it's time for a showdown!

Sasuke: we'll bend you over then we'll take you to brown town

Both: NOW IT'S TIME TO BLOW THIS SUCKER DOWN!

Sasuke: he's gunna rape me if we do not blow doors down

Naruto: cmon Sasuke cause it's time to blow doors down!

Sasuke: OOOOOOH we'll piledrive ya! it's time for the smack down!

Naruto: YOU ANTI-CRIST-A! OROCHI-BOSS! WE KNOW YOUR WEAKNESS! OUR BARBE Q SAUSE! WE ROCK THE CASBAH! AND BLOW YOUR MIND!WE WILL DEFEAT YOU! FOR ALL MANKIND! YOU HOLD THE SEPTER! WE HOLD THE KEY! YOU ARE A DEVIL!! AND WE ARE WE!

both: we are the we(repeated 18 times)

Orochimaru: YOU GUYS ARE FING LAME! CMON SASUKE! YOU'RE COMING WITH ME! -shoots lighting at Naruto-

Sasuke: NOO! -jumps in front of it, but reflects back off his headband-

Orochimaru: AUUUGHHH! THE TOOTH! -tooth slides near Naruto-

Naruto: -picks it up-

Orochimaru: OH NOOO!

Naruto: from whence you came...you shall remain..until you are...COMPLETE AGAIN!

Orochimaru: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-being dragged out of Kakashi's body to his original body-

Naruto:...how'd you like our song Kakashi?

Kakashi: it was ok...

Naruto: oh...well I liked it...

Sasuke: yeah, me to...

Kakashi: i think Orochimaru's was better...

Sasuke: pfft, his was lame

Naruto: yeah! and we saved you life so shut up!

Kakashi: hmph...just grab the tooth and let's go...

Naruto: fine...

-----end------

hope it was pretty good...atleast...if not, then whatver... 


	22. actual ending

**grand finale**

--------------------

Sasuke: well now that I have my body back and Orochimaru and Itachi are dead I think it's time I started restoring my clan...I think I'll start wi-HOLY SHIT IS THAT A BOMB!

bomb: -slode-

Sasuke: SON OF BIIIIIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii...-exploded away-

elsewhere

Kakashi: you hear something?

Zabuza: shut up and sew

Haku: yeah...and then teach him to make a swan...please

Zabuza: I DONT NEED HIS HELP! IF ANYONE NEEDS HELP IN THE FAMILY, IT'S YOU!

Haku: ATLEAST I DONT OVERCOMPENSATE!

Zabuza: OOOOOH! SO ORIGINAL! A BIG SWORD JOKE! TRANSVESTITE!

Haku: MOTHER FUCKER!-tackles-

Zabuza: -kicks off-

Kakashi:...no, it's ok...i'll just let myself out...

Zabuza: where the heck do you think you're going...

Kakashi:...to...th-

Zabuza: SIT.DOWN.NOW.

Kakashi: -sits quickly-

Zabuza:tea, kakashi?

Kakashi: no thank you

Zabuza:...tea, kakashi?

Kakashi: uh...-flee-

Zabuza: no! come back! you're our only friend!

Gaara: -emotionally crushed- well then! im outta here...-sissy walks off-

Haku: YOU JUST KEEP MAKING EVERYONE I LOVE LEAVE US!

Zabuza: I KNEW YOU TWO WERE DOIN IT!

Haku: MTREBASJDFGHASJLFG! IM OUTTA HERE!

Zabuza: HAKU!

Haku: -slams door-

Zabuza:...well, might as well give my sword to that suigetsu freak..

Suigetsu: ya mean it?

Zabubza: sure...

back with Sasuke

Sasuke: -slams through window onto Uchiha mansion's bed-

Sasuke: ugh...I need some freaking sleep after all that crap...

and he did indeed sleep...sleep long and well...after about 8 or 9 hours...he woke up

This day started out normally, Sasuke woke up(alone) made/ate breakfest(alone)got dressed(yes he does the previous things naked). Then walks to the training area

(alone and unbothered). Until one day, whilst Kakashi,Iruka,Naruto,Shino,Kiba, and all other men in the village were out on a mission. Normally Sasuke would've gone but

Shikimaru's dad said "no EMO's aloud" and shoved him in a puddle. The others laughed at Sasuke and Garaa kicked a random patch of sand in Sasuke's face.

end

and i mean it this time, I know I said the last one was the last one but it still felt kinda open ended to me


End file.
